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The sick puppy thread (wounded healer ambitions).

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    The sick puppy thread (wounded healer ambitions).

    So, please tell me what ales you my friend?

    My first hospitalization for being suicidal was age 10, and I lost track of how many hospitalizations I've had, sometimes with life threatening injuries and permanent handicaps to some extent.

    I'm very fortunate to not be permanently paralyzed, and currently there is a lot of physical sickness, and physical pain, so I qualify as a sick puppy, but I want people to be healed, and there is a "wounded healer" idea in Shamanism, where a Shaman comes close to death, and it helps them achieve enlightenment and help other sick people heal.

    Being institutionalized and an addict for much of my life , I have met some of the sickest puppies, been cell mates with cold-blooded killers and violent petrifying creatures!

    But I love them and want them to get better.

    Last time I was in jail, I had a Somalian Muslim cell mate who raped a girl and beat her head till she has permanent brain damage.

    I used to read the Quran and Bible with him, turn our blankets into prayer rugs, face Mecca , and listen to him pray in Arabic.

    I can't tell you how many times he wept many tears over what he did to an innocent human being.

    Even though he violently ravaged and almost killed someone, leaving them with permanent brain injury, handicaps, and a life of trauma, can I really label the man a sociopath, if he is weeping repeatedly, raw emotional tears of sorrow, remorse, and guilt for what he did?

    I can't stand criminals, crime, violence, rape, immorality, theft, dishonesty, and drug addiction, and I hate the fact that I am labeled a career criminal and mentally ill, but I have developed a love and concern for the well-being, healing, and conversions for these "monsters" , these lepers of society, even have I gotten in trouble with other inmates, for being friends with sickos everyone makes fun of , and beats up in jail (the sex offenders).

    Before going to prison, one such person thanked me, and told me I was his only friend, and inmates harassed me for hanging out with him. I think I did the right thing, because these lepers are more tortured individuals than the people they hurt, it seems.

    Anyone who hurts people like that or commits violence against innocent people, is a very troubled, disturbed individual. They are often abused, impoverished, had dysfunctional parents (or no parents), raised by thieves and hoodlums, they listen to hip hop or music that glorifies crime growing up, see such glorification of crime in the media and entertainment industry, and they think it's cool.

    As an adolescent I simply was hopeless. Mom was cheating on Dad! Dad kidnapped us and tried to raise us in a different country after he lost two costly custody battles. Dad wasn't healthy either, and my mother was in medical school when she got pregnant, and was told to not keep the child (get an abortion). I have told her she made the wrong decision having the baby!

    Mom was a Doctor on call, had four unsuccessful marriages, two of her husbands are now dead, she had many boyfriends, she wasn't home to supervise us, and I picked up many bad habits, with all the unhealthy immoral forms of entertainment in the household, and my mother prescribed me an addictive hypnotic drug at age 11, which turned me into a total drug addict at an early age, and she had controlled substances in her medicine cabinet, and her clinic, that I had access to.

    By picking up a Rosary, reading about Marian apparitions of the blessed Virgin Mary, miracles and conversions linked to those apparitions, I learned I have a healthy mother in Heaven, experienced her love, prayed the Rosary a lot, and started learning how to be compassionate, charitable, and virtuous!
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    But there are certain wounds that just don't heal. If I had a healthy mother and Father, a good environment growing up, and crime, violence, and immorality wasn't glorified in the media and entertainment industry, I would likely be married, have children, be a College graduate, and not be such a walking dead man, disturbed , troubled, with permanent brain damage from drug abuse, overdoses, and a jump off a building that gave a traumatic head injury and cracked skull!

    I have to radically accept that some of this is not going to heal! To expect to fully recover and be completely mentally and emotionally stable and healthy some day, would be like a quadriplegic expecting to run a marathon some day. It is simply impractical and not a possibility.

    My hope is that the brokeness and woundedness , it will help to better relate to other broken wounded people, and help them get out of the hell and nightmares they are living in.

    Nobody wakes up in the morning and says "I am so happy today I'm going to go kill some innocent people". Those are miserable people living a nightmare, who probably have been unloved, unwanted, despised, spiritually, morally , and psychologically bankrupt, empty, cold-blooded, joyless, and filled with darkness.

    The only thing that made me a compassionate non-violent person, was I experienced love, especially from souls in Heaven, but also some people on earth who I have come to love and cherish! Being unloved, especially as a child and adolescent, rejection and abuse can create a monster!

    But please tell me if you don't mind, have you ever been sick, disturbed, wanted to kill yourself, had bad temptations or experiences that left you traumatized, and how did you recover , heal, and escape from hell?

    If you haven't been to hell and back, are still living in hell, how can you be helped? What would it take to make you happy, healthy, stable, mature, sane, and a productive member of society, living your dream?

    Would you like to share any dreams you have of how you would like to better the earth?

    When I say "sick puppy", it's because somebody called me that recently, so I'm not referring to others at RF, but I would like to hear from some sick people, because these last 24 hours I feel like dying, and it's been years since I truly felt alive and sane!

    So, would like to hear what other people's struggles are, or if you were very sick once and got well. Thank you!

    (Death appeals to me as a form of liberation from this broken body and broken bones, fractures that were never operated on, and arthritis. Death strikes me as my final liberation from a damaged brain as well. But I think deep down inside, we all want to be truly alive, and we are sick of feeling so tired, gloomy, and dead).

    Just remember, when you try to save drowning people, make sure you don't put yourself in a predicament where you drown with them. Been there, done that!

    I'm kind of suspicious of my mother's third marriage lasting less than two months, and her husband dying shortly after the divorce.

    I guess he had a heart condition, but I kid you not, my mother went to his house after his death, got in trouble for taking some of his antiques and possessions, and she said to me with a smile on her face, "you mess with me and you die!"

    But I love my mom. She has come a long way, but it is painful to talk to her. She will say things like "George Floyd is still alive, it was a set up, a conspiracy to cause riots and call in the National guard".

    George Floyd was murdered in the Twim cities (where I live), on camera slowly, while saying "I can't breathe",and to hear my own mother say it was all a set up, (one of the reasons being his closed casket funeral) is disturbing coming from my own biological mother, and to know the world is this crazy and my own mother is that confused, and the world is so confused, it is just heartbreaking!

    Then she got angry during the phone call and was yelling, basically hung up on me when I started yelling back, it just made me want to die, living in a sick world!

    She's a doctor with many good qualities though, she has somewhat of a following, and she writes letters to the editor a lot.

    She seems to have the best of intentions and believes she is right about everything, which makes it so sad.

    A lot of people with the best of intentions think they are right, and do a lot of damage, not intentionally, and I find that to be very sad, even heartbreaking!

    I feel incapacitated to really help a world that is so sick, crazy, and confused!


      What is your mums astrological sign?


        Originally posted by Pete's Draggun View Post
        What is your mums astrological sign?
        Mom is a Pisces.

        I'm an Aries, Aries is God of destruction, chaos, brutality, impulsivity, violence, and war!


        • Pete's Draggun
          Pete's Draggun commented
          Editing a comment
          I mean no ill will Matty......
          I just knew what the answer was gonna be.
          It's why I asked to confirm.

          My mom is a pisces too

        Pete's Draggun After some of the paranormal activity and coincidences you have brought forth into my life, in a sense you kind of knew my birthday before I told you, it wouldn't surprise me if you knew my mother was a Pisces. Fascinating that your mother is also that zodiac sign!

        Someone or something has anointed you with a rare gift, which I know for certain is true, and you motivate me to be an Alpha, to change, to become stronger, courageous, and wiser!

        You are an eternal being being who can shake and change the world and impact those you come into contact with! Let's be diligent each day, wise, prudent, mindful, cunning as serpents and dragons!
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        No pain no gain! Sacrifice , suffering, and austerity can be good for the soul, a good teacher.

        It makes us stronger and wiser, and the more we suffer, the greater our tolerance to suffering grows, the stronger we become.

        Don't set the bar too high. Lifting weights, you don't start off too heavy, but keep increasing the weight over time to build muscles.

        Likewise, small goals and sacrifices each day, making responsible decisions, setting realistic goals, and being diligent each day, making the changes now, living in the present, not worrying about past or future, not worrying or being upset about what is out of our control, and being the best sober version of ourselves each day, shall eventually lead to greatness!


          Thank you Pete's Draggun for that Zodiac coincidence, because in the last 24 hours I was studying Zodiac signs, and which ones are the names of Deities.

          They all are linked to Deities in some way, but I noticed my sign ♈ Aries, was the only Zodiac that is the name of a Deity.

          And one of my favorites women has a shrine and altar to Ares, and she named her son Ares, so I didn't have devotion to the Deity my Zodiac is named after, until less than 24 hours ago, as a result of her love for him, and that being my sign.

          So, for you to ask my mother's zodiac sign, and know it before hand, is simply perfect timing on a day such as this!👍

          ​​​​​​​Plus myself and Rachel Mussolini are Aries with the same birthday!


            Originally posted by Matthew Mussolini View Post
            So, please tell me what ales you my friend?
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              Originally posted by Audiogen View Post

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              Are you actually drinking that brand today. I've never had it, but I'm fond of India, so I dig the "India pale ale".


              • Audiogen
                Audiogen commented
                Editing a comment
                No, I haven't drank for several months but I have had it.

              Hope you're feeling better today, Matthew. That sounds terrible.


                Originally posted by neonspectraltoast View Post
                Hope you're feeling better today, Matthew. That sounds terrible.
                It felt like total joyless, bitterness, sorrowful death, but a nurse practitioner prescribed something helpful.

                But pain only leaves temporarily and returns. I have to learn how to embrace it, love it, carry the cross, and if life becomes a nightmare, learn to love it as much as I love what used to be my biggest fear: BIG SPIDERS!

                I love big spiders now, because I stopped trying to get away from them, held them, embraced my fear, learned I love my fear, even love their bites

                Sometimes life is a venemous spider that sinks it's fangs into me, and I have to love and cherish the good, the bad, and the ugly!

                It was worse than death yesterday, but it taught me what people are going through, and I have to enter into and share the suffering that so many are going through.

                I don't want to feel great if others are in agony. Suffering is my offering, my cross to carry, an offering to the creator to bring grace to those tortured souls in total darkness.

                The cross (suffering) brings much grace, wisdom, and makes one stronger. But at the same time, I'm glad to feel better, but suffering always returns, and I need to learn to love it, not run from it, or I will wind up an addict again!


                  But thank you though neonspectraltoast