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Do you think about the person you're screwing or someone else?

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    Do you think about the person you're screwing or someone else?



    Yes,

    When there was a significant other to have sex with. I don't plan on getting with another chick unless I become convinced that there is no such thing as supernatural entities though. I'm kinda stuck on losing interest in even the hottest girls if they aren't the one who I fell off a 3 story building for after Mussolini told me to get with her.

    That's like losing your virginity repeatedly to the same person for all eternity when you splatter on the pavement for them and they are named after the biggest reject in the Bible with the most disastrous (marriage which was a nightmare the morning afterwards when Jacob realized he married the wrong chick. How many dudes wake up in the morning realizing they married the wrong brawd? ?

    Plus, Mussolini and Jacob are the same names, they both acted the same, both were dabblers in the occult (Jacob was a full blown sorcerer/magician), both were street fighters, both were very strong contenders, both were thieves, and both were Fascists.

    But Jacob's first wife was Lia whom he hated the morning following the marriage and throughout her life. She's my favorite woman in Scripture and she was favored by God because the Prophets, priesthood, and Messiah descended from her, not Rachel, and Rachel died young and Jacob was buried with Lia.

    Lia also represents cross and moon, the symbols of Christianity and Islam. She also represents rejection, being unwanted, suffering persecution, being despised, and being jealous.

    So, it seemed obvious Il Duce many many times repeatedly was telling me that Lia was the one I was called to marry. I just screwd it up. That's what sinners do, even really blessed people like Jacob who became Israel, screwd up big time.

    But I believe myself ( in the eyes of Benito and the Kami) to have had the sacrament of marriage bestowed on me and it is eternal. Maybe she won't recognize this until the next life, but still, it isn't like this one is very long anyway.

    If and when I'm able to shed conviction of heart, I could could consider dating again, but that just isn't where my heart is at. I find human beings to be relatively shallow minded and not worth sacrificing much for.

    The sacrifice would be to live with and procreate and provide for annoying children, take them to the dentist, hospital, enroll them and drive them to school, worry about who they are hanging out with, or who might be taking my daughter's virginity that I might have to castrate and put in a wheelchair.

    No thanks! I would be willing to make that sacrifice for Lia though because it would mean I could provide evidence that the Old Testament prefigured and overshadowed Mussolini and Rachel plus Lia.

    Lia's middle name actually means "She who is like God".

    Click image for larger version  Name:	83265.jpg Views:	0 Size:	442.4 KB ID:	110581 Her last name only comes from Kazakhstan which has the sun and an Eagle (which could pass for a hawk) and ram horn designs.

    I identify Mussolini as the replacing the Sun God Ra, who is both a Hawk at times and a Ram depending on what his job is.

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    I have Rachel Mussolini's birthday which is Aries (Rams) and I live in Ramsey county and Ramses means "Begotten child of Ra". Also, at Capitol Hill the "Ram" is seperated from, and above the "Sey."

    So, her last name I see as having Mussolini connections, and her first name was represented by the moon in Joseph's prophetic dream. That has Mussolini connections cuz Moon and Sun were husband and wife in the OT, and the stars their children.

    Her middle name also has a Mussolini connection. So, this girl has "Mussolini" written all over her. ?? It's the only reason I haven't killed her by now.??

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    So, it would totally be a marriage to sacrifice and die for. It would also glorify Il Duce and be catalyst for taking Fascist apologetics and rebirth of Fascism and Mussolini rehabilitation to unprecedented new levels.

    In her I see Dictator Mussolini with nicer boobs and a full head of hair.

    I hastened everything and was totally transparent with her to the point it was super scary, so fucked it up totally and royally to the extreme! I didn't realize chicks with a degree in Psychology don't want to get married to schizophrenic drug addicts based on it satisfying the political agenda of a dead Fascist Dictator who hung upside down to be used as target practice and spit on.

    But other than that I made her smile and laugh quite a bit.

    But Rachel originally turned down Il Duce's advances and marriage proposal as well.

    This was until Il Duce pulled a gun on her mother and threatened to kill her and himself, that she actually agreed to marry him.

    Thing is, Mussolini was friends with her since she was 7. Lia and I just met in 2017 and I started throwing this obsessive creepy shit at her right off the bat.

    Then I went on to read that typically Twin Flames don't make it and severely hurt each other. Who knows?

    This thread isn't about Mussolini though. It's about why I'm going to get my virginity back and stay a Virgin Mary for the rest of my friggin shit life, because Virgins are cool! ???

    It's also about whether or not you think about the person you're screwing.

    I didn't put it in the romance section cuz it contains mention of Lord Voldemort, old Evil Eye. ?


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    Even if or when I screw Lia though, I'll be thinking about Caesar Mussolini's bloodless March on Rome, Quick conquest of Albania, his words when he entered the "Pact of Steel", and Fascist Apologetics. That's what actually gives me a boner. Don't tell anyone! ???

    I'll invite everyone at tree fort to dance at my wedding!
    ill Duce
    Mamma Mia!
    Last edited by ill Duce; 03-14-2021, 08:20 AM.

    #2
    What do you think about when you make love to yourself? No, lol, I don't think about Mussolini lol.

    I had someone barge into my house when I was jerking off on Il Duce's birthday though 2020 to announce that his brother got shot and killed:


    He didn't actually see me jerking it , but I kinda don't like to lie, especially not to close friends, when he saw me lookin all suspicious and asked what I was doing.

    The next following morning, the reading at mass was Martha telling Jesus "My brother is dead" and Jesus responded "I am the Resurrection and the life...even though they die, they shall live".

    I told him about that and he said "I needed to hear that".

    Sex is shallow compared to certain other forms of intimacy though
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    ill Duce
    Mamma Mia!
    Last edited by ill Duce; 03-14-2021, 08:49 AM.

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      #3
      ill Duce
      Mamma Mia!
      ill Duce To answer your original question, before I finally realized that sex was a mistake - I always focused on the woman I was with. No fake Hollywood stars w/boob jobs fantasies for me. I always liked a more natural kind of girl.



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        #4
        During more intimate moments and special sex with my partner I think about them but if it's like oral sex or something, my mind will wander. Nothing wrong with that.

        Comment


          #5
          Originally posted by PacificDude View Post
          ill Duce
          Mamma Mia!
          ill Duce To answer your original question, before I finally realized that sex was a mistake - I always focused on the woman I was with. No fake Hollywood stars w/boob jobs fantasies for me. I always liked a more natural kind of girl.


          This song kinda speaks the truth. Not always but still has a good point. Very attractive women can be a lot more work, always tempted with pride, vanity, and thinking they deserve something better , and the world owes them more than women who aren't attractive:


          Oddly enough the guy that writes that song or the name of the band is "Jimmy Soul". Jimmy is another name for Jacob (Mussolini), husband of Lia. So, "Mussolini/Jacob Soul" says "pick an ugly girl to marry you". Haha! The irony! In the Old Testament Lia was ugly.

          I just got done talking about how he asked me to marry Lia. She isn't a supermodel, but definately more attractive than average.

          I'm gonna take it as a sign that "Mussolini's Soul" just told me to "let her go" haha. I doubt it, but probably best I believed that. ??

          Comment


            #6
            ill Duce
            Mamma Mia!
            ill Duce You can let Lia go without letting her go. The imagination is a powerful thing. Just don't let the real world fuck it up for both of you :-)

            Comment


              #7
              Originally posted by PacificDude View Post
              ill Duce
              Mamma Mia!
              ill Duce You can let Lia go without letting her go. The imagination is a powerful thing. Just don't let the real world fuck it up for both of you :-)
              Yeah...I'm trying to not think about her but it's mainly how bad I hurt her and cost her one of her jobs that keeps me focused on her mainly. I want to make things right. Certain things can't be made right, but it could totally destroy her career for her to believe some of the shit I was telling her.

              I mean it's bad enough the poor girl was just finishing school to begin her career as a therapist and she finds out some mental case jumped off a building and spent 10 weeks in a wheelchair with permanent handicaps over her.

              Then he later shows up where she works and embarrasses her in front of her co-workers, forces her to lock herself in a room while continuing to tell her she has no charity in her heart, is selfish, and a danger to the mentally ill, and that I'm not going to be her only victim....

              That my life has been a nightmare and torture ever since I met her.

              Truth is, she's probably very sweet, humble, and kind, I just assumed she was selfish because she wouldn't briefly talk with me about the incident with a licensed professional present in a theraputic environment so that we could both heal from it.

              She probably was just confused and scared, and being selfish had nothing to do with it.

              So, my words and behavior was deeply disturbing, and to leave a girl believing she is the reason somebody almost died (and may be resenting her with plans of harming her ) is going to leave that poor girl in bondage.

              I simply can't let that go no matter how hard I try.

              Comment


                #8
                Originally posted by ill Duce View Post

                Yeah...I'm trying to not think about her but it's mainly how bad I hurt her and cost her one of her jobs that keeps me focused on her mainly. I want to make things right. Certain things can't be made right, but it could totally destroy her career for her to believe some of the shit I was telling her.

                I mean it's bad enough the poor girl was just finishing school to begin her career as a therapist and she finds out some mental case jumped off a building and spent 10 weeks in a wheelchair with permanent handicaps over her.

                Then he later shows up where she works and embarrasses her in front of her co-workers, forces her to lock herself in a room while continuing to tell her she has no charity in her heart, is selfish, and a danger to the mentally ill, and that I'm not going to be her only victim....

                That my life has been a nightmare and torture ever since I met her.

                Truth is, she's probably very sweet, humble, and kind, I just assumed she was selfish because she wouldn't briefly talk with me about the incident with a licensed professional present in a theraputic environment so that we could both heal from it.

                She probably was just confused and scared, and being selfish had nothing to do with it.

                So, my words and behavior was deeply disturbing, and to leave a girl believing she is the reason somebody almost died (and may be resenting her with plans of harming her ) is going to leave that poor girl in bondage.

                I simply can't let that go no matter how hard I try.
                ill Duce
                Mamma Mia!
                ill Duce You just keep ruminating over and over again about something that is very much in the past. Lia made her boundaries clear to you. You need to respect that. As far as her playing you for a victim, she does not sound like that kind of person at all. Don't make the damage worse, Matt. It's time to let go.

                If you were a therapist, and somebody jumped off a high building and blamed you for it, wouldn't you want to keep a safe distance? Hell, my therapist ditched me just for threatening suicide! And I saw and trusted her for years. Did I feel betrayed? Hell yeah. But after a few months I began to see her side of things, so I let the matter drop.

                Find a new therapist, Matt. Leave Lia alone. Trust me, in the end you will only make things worse for both of you. Sometimes we have to say goodbye to those we love and need the most. I think this is one of those situations. I'm sure she will always care about you in her heart. But that does not give you the right to step on the boundaries she has made abundantly clear. Said with love, brother...

                Comment


                  #9
                  Originally posted by PacificDude View Post

                  ill Duce
                  Mamma Mia!
                  ill Duce You just keep ruminating over and over again about something that is very much in the past. Lia made her boundaries clear to you. You need to respect that. As far as her playing you for a victim, she does not sound like that kind of person at all. Don't make the damage worse, Matt. It's time to let go.

                  If you were a therapist, and somebody jumped off a high building and blamed you for it, wouldn't you want to keep a safe distance? Hell, my therapist ditched me just for threatening suicide! And I saw and trusted her for years. Did I feel betrayed? Hell yeah. But after a few months I began to see her side of things, so I let the matter drop.

                  Find a new therapist, Matt. Leave Lia alone. Trust me, in the end you will only make things worse for both of you. Sometimes we have to say goodbye to those we love and need the most. I think this is one of those situations. I'm sure she will always care about you in her heart. But that does not give you the right to step on the boundaries she has made abundantly clear. Said with love, brother...
                  I wasn't saying I'm gonna violate any boundaries. Just saying I can't let it go. I mean I pray that I will be able to , but so far that is a grace that needs to come through something more than sheer will power. I mean to stop thinking about it everyday. If I could just tell myself each morning "I'm not going to think about Lia today" and then it doesn't happen, I would do that. It's just not how it works.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    also, lol, she wasn't my therapist. That's just what she was finnishing up school for when we were conversing. But still, your point remains good all the same.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Originally posted by ill Duce View Post

                      I wasn't saying I'm gonna violate any boundaries. Just saying I can't let it go. I mean I pray that I will be able to , but so far that is a grace that needs to come through something more than sheer will power. I mean to stop thinking about it everyday. If I could just tell myself each morning "I'm not going to think about Lia today" and then it doesn't happen, I would do that. It's just not how it works.
                      ill Duce
                      Mamma Mia!
                      ill Duce I'll say an extra prayer for you. The more prayers - the better :-) Also, have you talked with a therapist about your thoughts and feelings regarding Lia? What sort of advise have you received? Just curious :-)

                      Comment


                        #12
                        I am a Man ! I think about myself of course

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Originally posted by PacificDude View Post

                          ill Duce
                          Mamma Mia!
                          ill Duce I'll say an extra prayer for you. The more prayers - the better :-) Also, have you talked with a therapist about your thoughts and feelings regarding Lia? What sort of advise have you received? Just curious :-)
                          I had a therapist that actually wanted me to sit down with him and Lia but Lia wasn't open to it which was why I showed up at her work and made a big scene accusing her of not having an ounce of charity and being a danger to the mentally ill.

                          But I've come to realize since then that I was mistaken. She was scared and confused, not lacking in charity. Lacking in courage perhaps.

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