No announcement yet.

My absence seems to have contributed to two strokes and a suicide attempt

  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    My absence seems to have contributed to two strokes and a suicide attempt

    I became best friends with my neighbor after he tracked down the person who stole my wallet, phone, backpack, and anything of value, back in 2020.

    On July 29 2020, Mussolini's birthday, his brother was shot and killed. I offered him a shoulder to cry on and hundreds of dollars to make T-shirts in his memory, and yes, to kill some pain with euphoric chemicals.

    The reading at Mass that day was Jesus telling Martha "your (dead) brother lives. I am the ressurection and the life. Those who believe in me, even though they die, they shall live".

    I texted that to my friend and he said he needed to hear that. It got him to believe his brother lives on in Spirit, and they will be reunited.

    Last Easter, Heath Ledger's birthday, I saw my Shrine to Georgann Hawkins looking exceptionally radiant. I told her I would buy him the 179$ car part he needs (I was working as a remodeling guy part time).

    I said "it is my offering to Georgann Hawkins".
    Click image for larger version

Name:	download (6).jpeg
Views:	50
Size:	3.9 KB
ID:	173669 Click image for larger version

Name:	download (8).jpeg
Views:	37
Size:	3.3 KB
ID:	173671 Click image for larger version

Name:	images (22).jpeg
Views:	31
Size:	7.2 KB
ID:	173670 I identify her as "Queen of Heaven". During her short life she was nicknamed "the pied Piper" because everyone wanted to follow her, and she was a talented straight A student.

    She died trying to help a man pretending to be injured on crutches. I celebrate her birthday every August 20th , and used to plant flowers near shrines I made in her honor, till police interrogated me over it.

    Georgann Hawkins taught me to be more loving and affectionate, (so police can go fuck themselves on this issue). I didn't have a nuturing mother growing up. She is more of a mother to me.

    After giving him the cash in her honor as an offering to make both of them smile, he gave me a hug, and it dawned on me his last name was Hawkins too. I realized that later on, not when I said "this is my offering to Hawkins".

    In Shinto and Buddhism, Obon (to hang upside down) is a festival to ease suffering of the dead and delight them. Almsgiving is one way.

    When I dissapeared for months , Hawkins had two strokes and a suicide attempt. It wasn't because of me so much, but he realized I was the only person in his life who wasn't lying to him, manipulating, stealing, or taking advantage.

    While telling me this today , he was weeping like his heart would bust. It was as bad as when his brother died. I had no clue how to console him or what to say, because I don't see much basis for hope in our ghetto.

    I go to treatment tommorow and I worry about him. I'll write, but it appears I was a very positive influence in his life. He said the strokes were caused by the stress of the people he can't trust , who keep taking advantage.

    Not all tweakers are bad. I met a tweaker at Lunds recently who I had feelings for. She had no money and a daughter. I pulled out some cash to give her and she said "I can't accept that". Were she selfish, that would not have been her response.

    She also took care of a guy in a wheelchair at higher ground without getting paid.

    Being a drug addict and criminal (and in my case morbid attractions and dark humor as well), doesn't mean we have no compassion or that we have not charity in our hearts.