I refuse to even entertain suicide as that possibility if things get bad enough.
I have to endure the martyrdom here and die when it's time to die.
So, whenever things get tough, I don't ask for the cross and affliction to leave.
My cross is my mistress and teacher.
Spiritual writers say Leah represents the cross, affliction, and bitterness, but she was Jacob's greatest blessing in disguise who Moses, the levitical priesthood, Mary, the Messiah, the Papacy, and nearly all the Holy names descended from.
So, the more I endure Leah the bitter cross, the stronger I become. If I keep rejecting her, I stop growing in my tolerance for the cross, stop learning, stop growing, stop maturing, so my tolerance to suffering goes way down.
This is why I don't reject the inevitable, death on a cross, crucifixion, the inevitable, because when it's time to be crucified and drink from the bitter chalice of Gethsemane, it will hurt less if I carried my cross (Leah) daily so that I can carry heavier crosses.
By the cross God chose to redeem the world, so by our crosses and suffering, we act as co-Redeemers of the world, becoming more Godlike through suffering and affliction.
Suicide is not so much cowardice, because I jumped from a three story building and it took some guts.
One of the greatest female warriors who is actually a verified historical figure and not a goddess, was Artemisia of Caria, who threw herself off a cliff after being rejected.
She was no coward, and it takes a lot of courage to place yourself in a situation where you believe you have zero chance of survival.
Suicide isn't cowardice. It is however selfish.
By staying alive, you can better serve a suffering world. Suicide causes you to hurt a world already suffering.
Suicide destroys families and leaves people in agony.
Also, with all this religious bullshit, people think their loved ones who commit suicide go to hell.
I knew a mother like that whose son committed suicide. The Doctrine of Hell is a shit crock because it totally paints God up like an ass hole, but saying suicides go there is the epitome of cruelty, because it essentially says that the most tortured people shall be tortured for eternity.
Teaching shit like that creates atheists. I knew a girl who was atheist because her father died of suicide while an atheist.
Christians traditionally teach that her Father is in hell. Why should she want to go to Heaven worshipping the God responsible for her father being tortured for eternity?
Christians push people into atheism with their many strategies of trying to scare people into repentance and conversion.
Thinking their fire and brimstone sermons decrease sin in the world is false.
They increase sin by making God look like the biggest ass hole and Class A war criminal in history.
It drives people into despair , suicide, addictions to drugs, alcohol, and sex, hatred, and blasphemy.
When I believed all this bullshit Christians were pushing, I blasphemed during prayer at the God responsible for injustice and eternal suffering for crimes that don't merit it.
The total injustice of such a reality was sickening enough I became an atheist over it.
It wasn't till a bunch of coincidences confirmed Spirits exist that I left atheism for simply prayer to the spirits that seemed to be communicating with me followed by coincidences that confirmed not all of it was my imagination.
It became clear later that I was practicing Shinto, which is belief in Kami (Spirits), and that all the dead become Kami.
There are no Shinto Scriptures considered inerrant, the highest Kami is not the creator but rather a female, and no known founder, therefore it may have been founded by God.
I encourage you if you are atheist, pray to your heroes and make them your higher power.
Pray for signs that they are influencing you.
Listen to your heart.
Listen to coincidences.
Create your own world, Divinity, and religion based on your conscience.
Create a Tulpa and ask the Kami for assistance. A Tulpa is a spirit being created by you. Write down what qualities you wish for this Tulpa to have on paper.
Then speak her/him/it into existence. You have Divine creative authority inside you, because your maker is the God/Goddess within you.
At any rate. No need to embrace Christianity if that makes you nauseated.
Start creating your own Religion. Follow your conscience and base your morality and faith on that.
Write the Scriptures that speak most to your heart and empower you + make the most sense.
It will benefit you more than atheism, because studies show that prayer can create total changes in the brain and release the chemicals that relieve pain, produce joy, and empower people.
The statement "The family that prays together stays together" was based on a study that showed that families of multiple religions stayed together more often when they prayed together, whether Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, Pagan, Christian etc.
Find a prayer life that works for you, not someone else's.
Atheism might sound the most rational to you, but it can also be the most demoralising and weakest approach studies show.
It's one reason why with all the advances in science and technology, atheists make up a small percent of the world's population.
Guaranteed, you will be more happy if you find the form of "Trustful surrender to the providence of a higher eternal power" and find a joy that is not dependant on material possessions or creatures, and hope in life after death.
I don't advocate Scripture or embracing what I do.
Anyway, what is your Doctrine that you live by? If you are atheist, were you to have a Doctrine or sacred text, what would it say?
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