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Really suffering a lot today. Could use your prayers.

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    Really suffering a lot today. Could use your prayers.

    It's been two days without drugs, so that could be contributing to it.

    Plus some homeless guy showed up when it's below zero out there so I'm letting him crash on the couch.

    Today is just an agonizing day.

    If you believe in the power of prayer, I could use that or what is ever on your heart.

    Peace!

    #2
    Originally posted by ill Duce View Post
    It's been two days without drugs, so that could be contributing to it.

    Plus some homeless guy showed up when it's below zero out there so I'm letting him crash on the couch.

    Today is just an agonizing day.

    If you believe in the power of prayer, I could use that or what is ever on your heart.

    Peace!
    Peace to you brother. Been there done that with the withdrawals, I feel you. Wish I could help, just know that someone understands.

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      #3
      ill Duce Matt, just focus on making it through today - not so sure about the homeless dude. The last thing you need right now is a negative trigger. Didn't you get ripped off in the past? Your heart is in the right place, but keep in mind that you are especially vulnerable right now. I will pray for you. Stay strong!

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        #4
        ill Duce Sending lots of good vibes your way! Oh, and here's an actual Thomas Merton quote for you: Decided to give Mother Teresa a break...haha. Peace :-)

        Click image for larger version  Name:	MattDuce21.jpg Views:	0 Size:	34.9 KB ID:	98288
        Last edited by PacificDude; 02-16-2021, 03:03 PM.

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          #5
          It sucks now, but sobriety will pay off in the end.

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            #6
            I appreciate all of what you all said.

            sobriety will pay off but omg it's just so miserable that yesterday was a day where if I had firearms it would have been a bullet right in my temple where the bone is most thin.

            After the wheelchair and broken bones from jumping off a building, I promised myself " no more attempts", but yesterday was all of the world's misery hitting me at once it seemed.

            I felt I could feel the agony of suicides, people withdrawling from drugs, victims of rape, torture, murder, broken abusive marriages, and all the pain I have caused people, was hitting me at once.

            Then some homeless guy shows up smelling like he hadn't bathed in over a month , smelling like booze when it's under 0 degrees outside. He would have gotten frostbite if I didn't let him in.

            It wasn't entirely a deed of complete charity, as he paid me five dollars, but were it summer time, I would not have accepted the five or let him stay.

            Well, today, day three of sobriety I decided to use that five dollars for a little nickle piece of dope. I was expecting a small five piece.

            It was actually more like a 20-30 dollar piece. I have never got that amount of crystal for five dollars (or ten for that matter). I was amazed. Perhaps it was a reward from the Crystal Meth goddess , for my pain and misery lol.

            I haven't even done half of it and my suffering is gone (for the most part, but the sorrow for our world and the future is still lingering), but today was a better day even before that transaction.

            So, I thank anyone who prayed or sent some positive vibes or whatever. Today was not total hell. Yesterday, I literally was flailing like I just had my skin burned off with Napalm, or like I got shot or was being tortured.

            I wouldn't wish it on my worse enemy. Peace be with you all
            !

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              #7
              But no, I need to get sober. My commitment order is for me to complete treatment, but after the last place accepted me and rejected me , I just thought, "wasn't meant to be. If I'm supposed to be in treatment, it will become clear from a caseworker arranging it."

              I'm willing to go, just not too ambitious about making the necessary phone calls unless a professional is pressuring me to, but that isn't the case as of now.

              I'm just really crushed by how much suffering there is in our world. I thought I had a clue while I was in the wheelchair.

              Oh God, it gets worse than that. Much worse!

              I can't help but have resentment, if not total hatred for any omnipotent power that would create this, or not provide consolations and graces that relieve it

              But I pray that I would hate no one and pardon all.

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                #8
                ........



                Cheers Glen.

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                  #9
                  Every time I see your face, I'm taken to that special place. Wanna play with your pee pee, my buddy and me.

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