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What are your own red flags?

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    What are your own red flags?

    Since this is a topical conversation.

    Current red flags or issues you've worked on in the past

    I'm curious to see the level of self awareness exhibited by my fellow treeforters ; )

    Edit for clarification, let's go with red or orange flags, since I doubt anyone here would admit they were dangerously toxic or abusive even if they were lol

    What are flaws that make/have in the past made relationships with you challenging?
    Last edited by Meliai; 10-18-2021, 04:44 PM.

    I honestly can't think of a one that counts for me in particular. I acknowledge all the general ones stated in the other red flag thread though (the ones regarding toxic and abusive behavior, not incompatability), but they also strike me as common sense most of the time.


      Therefor an orange flag for certain women that might apply on myself is indecisiveness


      • Meliai
        Meliai commented
        Editing a comment
        I clarified so this is an acceptable answer : p

      I've recently been told that a red flag is only a sign of abusiveness. So I'm hoping I don't have any.

      I'm not sure what my orange flags are. If I knew, I'd probably be trying to change them.


      • Din Djarin
        Din Djarin commented
        Editing a comment
        Men who game a lot are given orange flags by many ladies i noticed..
        Now the days are getting shorter im about to give in to this stigmatising weakness..!

      • Jessica
        Jessica commented
        Editing a comment
        *or toxic

        so like a sign someone might be excessively clingy could be a red flag, but not really abusive. Or if someone was a drug addict.

      I will admit I'm known to bbq human babies, which mothers tend to see as both toxic and abusive. Kids older than 3 are entirely safe from me though


        I'm an idiot (my orange flag) and put this in the wrong subforum. Can a friendly neighborhood mod please move to Love and Sex for me?


          I think a long while ago, I was dangerously toxic. I can admit that now. I'm so far from being that person that if I go into details people who know me now find it hard to believe.

          I don't think I have any red flags now
          (btw, if we did go with the definition that included incompatibility, how would we answer? we'd only have them in relation to a specific person), I believe I'm entirely capable of a healthy relationship.

          an orange flag might be that my emotions can still be too intense. but often now if that's disproportionate or potentially harmful I'd just go and sit alone and think myself out of it. It's not something I take seriously anymore. I used to think myself in negative spirals, and that just doesn't happen. If it tries to, I notice it and then how can I behave in a way i find ridiculous and embarassing once I'm aware I'm doing it? lol
          Last edited by Jessica; 10-19-2021, 11:54 AM.


          • Meliai
            Meliai commented
            Editing a comment
            My emotions are intense too and I'm not sure there's anything I can do to change that. But yeah just recognizing you're getting a bit emotionally dysregulated and going to sit alone and breathe through it is the key I think

          Originally posted by Meliai View Post
          I'm an idiot (my orange flag)
          That's the opposite of an orange flag, it shows compatibility with most of us here.


            Originally posted by Din Djarin View Post
            I will admit I'm known to bbq human babies, which mothers tend to see as both toxic and abusive. Kids older than 3 are entirely safe from me though
            It's only toxic if the babies have dangerous chemicals in them for some reason. Otherwise I think it would be a pretty healthy meal.


            • Amerijuanican
              Amerijuanican commented
              Editing a comment
              with proper marinade, should be okay.
              served with white wine lol

            My lack of assertiveness. My "innocence." My fledgling self-esteem. Lack of a job.

            I can see why nobody wants me. Girls tend to be practical.


              Women's intuition serves them wrong if they think I'm abusive, though. I think I just fade into gray unnoticed for some reason. Not quite ugly, not quite handsome, certainly not well-adjusted. Just kinda tawny and, perhaps, strange.

              I don't think I even seem like someone who is open to a relationship. It's not on my hierarchy of needs, and I haven't developed accordingly. I'm quite dull until it's too late...then Richard comes out.


                Not a fan of relationships either. Not longer than six months, that's when things get crazy and from now on I don't do crazy.
                Screw that noise.
                mother moon -she's calling me back to her silver womb,
                father of creation -takes me from my stolen tomb
                seventh-advent unicorn is waiting in the skies,
                a symptom of the universe, a love that never dies!


                  I don't know much about relationships, to be honest. The good life just wasn't my lot in life.


                    While I don't need my partner to me poly or open I need them to be comfortable that I am. That's my main concern. Don't be jealous, insecure or upset with my being curious or attracted to someone else.

                    I'm not going not going to list abusiveness mostly because I doubt I'd get into a relationship with somebody like that to begin with so it's not a red flag, it's a downright nope.

                    Same with hygiene and cleanliness, I'd have already determined this before the relationship. So it's not a flag. It's a nope.

                    And guys need long hair and at least 7" of manhood. But y'all knew that already. ?


                      If somebody asked me who Jeff Gordon was...

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                      That's a flag. Tells me they don't know anything. ?