Relationships "I Do or I'm Done"

[Pete's Draggun]

(True story)
Co-worker Conundrum

A woman is in a committed monogamous relationship with a man for over a year.

The woman's years ago, ex boyfriend reaches out to her about renovating her closets for free..
(The ex boyfriend owed the woman free labor on a few years past labor exchange favor)

The woman wants to take the ex boyfriends offer for free closet renovation.

This situation could definitely be a relationship I'm done.

[neonspectraltoast]

Agreed. My ex and I were as bosomest buddies as can be and she doesn't associate me and it's perfectly reasonable why not (and I wasn't completely nuts back then.)

One or the other has to have a low self-image or worse.

[neonspectraltoast]

It doesn't always have to be about hating someone to put them behind you. A good woman puts her ex's in the past. Women can't control themselves or be professional.

[boubindica]

I’d say it’s a good opportunity to find out if she really can be trusted… Women don’t think like men.

[Amerijuanican]

Whenever someone in a relationship pulls the "Now, or it's over" thing, It's probably not their idea, but they may be getting pressure from friends, family but if they come off with this type of pressure, just think what will come after that in the relationship...

Next

[Meliai]

I'm not really sure I think about these things the way most people do lol. I'm usually on friendly terms with my exes.

So it doesn't really seem like a big deal as long as she's being transparent. Invite the boyfriend over to help, feed them both pizza and beer ?

[lode]

If they were platonic friends the whole time I'd probably be okay with it. I'd make her pay him.

If he's Reaching out of the blue? Doubt he's just trying to settle all his old debts unless he found out he had a year to live. That's a no.

Wouldn't end a relationship over it though... Taking favors from an ex and telling me about it.

[Pete's Draggun]

They were lovers for 7 years

[lode]

I meant platonic friends since the breakup. Would be okay with it. Would want her to compensate him. With pizza is cool.

I don't see it as cheating, which is an obvious deal breaker. I'd assume he was trying to fuck her a bit, because men. But that same offer is on the table from pizza delivery guys, mechanics, etc...

So she pays him and they are friends now cool, he comes from nowhere and wants to be generous, nah.

[Pete's Draggun]

My perspective is, why invite possible drama into a well oiled relationship.

There are other ways to test strength without involving ex's.

Ex's might have (and usually do) ulterior motivation reaching out again, out of the blue.

Agree...... to talk it out and resolve before a NEXT decision

[Meliai]

To add to lode's train of thought, would deffo be weird if she didn't pay him. Even if he owes her labor. She needs to at least pay for the materials. And pay for the labor in pizza and beer and invite the boyfriend to make him feel comfortable

If she's paying him I don't see an issue at all, it's just a professional arrangement. If I need work done around the house i'll always call someone I know in the trade versus a stranger

[Pete's Draggun]

If I need work done around the house i'll always call someone I know in the trade versus a stranger

That someone you know is a friend? Or ex boyfriend?

[Din Djarin]

I’d say it’s a good opportunity to find out if she really can be trusted… Women don’t think like men.

Especially not when it involves renovated closets for free Oh wait... I think exactly like women in such a situation :P

[boubindica]

It was a debt owed though…

[Meliai]

That someone you know is a friend? Or ex boyfriend?

This guy i dated in my 20s is a contractor, when my most recent ex and I were living together we talked about having him do some work here. No biggie, but also probably a different situation as this guy didn't just pop up out of the blue, we have the same friends and so will always be in each others' lives

[Audiogen]

I'm done... years ago? That deal has to expire at some point.

[Verbe]

OWES this woman labour. An EX partner. That she has full autonomy to ask to leave if he's inappropriate. Assuming that just because a man is in a woman's house that they're gonna have sex is stupid. She could call him at any time and hook up. His house, a hotel, the car. If people want to cheat, they will. It's not going to be something obvious like "oh he's just fixing my closet". PERSONALLY I wouldn't want to be with anyone who was so mistrustful that they think they can dictate who I allow in my house. That's a DONE for me.

[Undies]

My perspective is, why invite possible drama into a well oiled relationship.

Well, another major cause of relationship drama is money. I'm not sure how much a closet renovation costs (it does seem like most anything you would do to renovate a closet would be pretty DIYable), but free labor is always worth considering.

[Undies]

OWES this woman labour. An EX partner. That she has full autonomy to ask to leave if he's inappropriate. Assuming that just because a man is in a woman's house that they're gonna have sex is stupid. She could call him at any time and hook up. His house, a hotel, the car. If people want to cheat, they will. It's not going to be something obvious like "oh he's just fixing my closet". PERSONALLY I wouldn't want to be with anyone who was so mistrustful that they think they can dictate who I allow in my house. That's a DONE for me.

I agree with this. If you don't trust your partner, then you probably shouldn't be together in the first place. People who try to control their partners are really annoying.