Marriage 2.0

[Pete's Draggun]

Been doing research on marriage.......

Off topic

especially failed ones due to male Beta-ism.

but I digress....

.....where was I, oh marriage 2.0. When single men and women start reaching into their late 30s and beyond having failed relationships under their belts, I'm my opinion, marriage will be not so relished.

A single career woman who owns her own car, has her own residence, hobbies, friends, day life, night life, alone time....doesn't need marriage.

A single career man who owns his own car, has his own residence, hobbies, friends, day life, night life, alone time....doesn't need marriage either.

So..... you take this single woman dynamic (chocolate) and this single man dynamic (peanut butter) ......put them together......you have a pretty sweet tasting relationship without marriage.

The biggest problem with marriage (other than beta males) I digress.........is each other's alone time, in which builds a special feeling when you miss someone's love and/or time together. That feeling is "anticipation and desire" to see that special someone sooner rather than later after you've been fulfilled with alone time. It's a hard task to get adequate and nurturing alone time living under the same roof.

Many women I've dated, needed days of alone time. Which was awesome because I took my needed days of alone time.I obviously had less alone time in dating multiple women at once, but it didn't bother me in the least..

That time away from each other's capacity is essential to a healthy relationship. Not to mention the mental self health it brings to each person as well.

These thoughts of mine might flux into YFM's topic of attachment theory. Not sure if this crosses over.

In my humble opinion, Marriage 2.0 for me is no legal paper saying we're married. Just a deeply committed physical and emotional relationship that has separated living conditions that's not under the same roof.


Well....I'm off to go get cut ✂️
Peace 5000 G!

[Jessica]

A single career woman who owns her own car, has her own residence, hobbies, friends, day life, night life, alone time....doesn't need marriage.




In my humble opinion, Marriage 2.0 for me is no legal paper saying we're married. Just a deeply committed physical and emotional relationship that has separated living conditions that's not under the same roof.

I definitely don't need marriage, but I like the idea. As you say there, it's not really about a piece of paper. To me it's what you describe.. but if I ever met the right person I would still desire some form of wedding, whether legally recognised or not. But I think it's weird when people fixate on wanting to get married when they don't even have a specific person in mind.

[Meliai]

I was reading about the demographics of happiness the other day.

Married men are one of the most happiest groups, but one of the other happiest groups is unmarried women lol

Unmarried men are among the unhappiest demographics

just musing about that because I wonder if the arrangement of living separately long term in older age would be more preferable, on average, to women than to men

[Amerijuanican]

Just from what I've seen from my friends, and read online from other men, no, quite the opposite. lol...

I watched my best friend get driven mad by a control freak, she had kids still at home in and outta jail, he busted his butt for her and she treatd him like crap.
Her dad even told her she needed to let up on him (I was there lol) but my god she was a bossy ass bitch

And she cut him off sex too, just wanted him to cuddle up with.

I've read of plenty other deals like this too. It's silly.

Generally men are deciding it's better to live separately.

But there's always hope! I really hope to find a situation better than that. But I'm a romantic @ heart, and it usually fucks me in the end.

[Jessica]

I was reading about the demographics of happiness the other day.

Married men are one of the most happiest groups, but one of the other happiest groups is unmarried women lol

Unmarried men are among the unhappiest demographics

just musing about that because I wonder if the arrangement of living separately long term in older age would be more preferable, on average, to women than to men

Yeah I've heard this. I do think women deal better with living alone.

Amerijuanican I don't disagree there's a lot of what you describe, but it doesn't contradict what Mel posted. The men who are deciding to give up on women often don't seem very happy, and are bitter about it. Women who do the same seem to cope better (generally speaking; there will be hundreds of exceptions)

Where as in marriage it's the opposite, because women are trained to give more up in order to raise families. A common thing I see is the complaint that men will be overly praised for parenting.

and something that's tough on men is that we're all taught that in return for what a woman does in raising kids and looking after a home, the man is responsible for "providing". Which ostensibly means money, but I think actually comes to represent happiness.

Negatively impacts women because they don't look to themselves for happiness, and they resent the man for their unhappiness. And negatively affects the man when her resentment makes him feel like a failure, or causes fights.

All this is SO rooted in the fact that INCREDIBLY RECENTLY women were literally treated as possessions. Laws might have changed but the effects from before don't go away that easily.

[Jessica]

Tl;dr patriarchy fucks everyone up and a healthy society is truly gender neutral

[Amerijuanican]

wasn't meaning to contradict her, merely stating what I've seen.

[Meliai]

A common thing I see is the complaint that men will be overly praised for parenting.

yeah! My son's dad is truly an excellent parent so I never minded the praise he received when we were new parents, especially when I heard complaints from other new moms about their partners not getting up with the baby at night or really participating in parenting much at all, but at the same time...it definitely struck me that people praised him so much but never praised me despite the fact that we split parenting responsibilities 50/50 (well, as much as possible anyways)

I think it really speaks to the fact that fathers aren't expected to pitch in 50/50 with parenting, so when they do it's viewed as something praiseworthy.

small off topic rant lol

[Jessica]

Yes exactly. Obviously I have no first hand experience but I've heard the same story from many women. And on the other side of it, if they have a night out and leave the kid in someone else's care, they receive various levels of disapproval, as if that's bad mother behaviour.

[Amerijuanican]

My pitching in was much more than 50/50
much more lol.
she told me "this one's all yours".
and then wondered why she always favored me

[6-eyed]

Yeah I've heard this. I do think women deal better with living alone.

So crazy-cat-ladyism is caused by happiness overload? I would’ve never guessed.

Childless single women don’t usually do to well on their own.

Married men are happier than single men, that much is true. But I dare say single men do better than single women. Single men seem to cope with it better by retreating into MGTOW stuff like video games and porn.

All this is SO rooted in the fact that INCREDIBLY RECENTLY women were literally treated as possessions. Laws might have changed but the effects from before don't go away that easily.

No, that’s just in Muslim countries where women are possessions like house pets.

[Jessica]

So crazy-cat-ladyism is caused by happiness overload? I would’ve never guessed.

Childless single women don’t usually do to well on their own.

You're seriously going to use a misogynistic cliché to try to make a point? Don't be silly.

What's your source for saying they (we, actually, since I AM a childless single woman) don't do well on their own? Because what Mel and I are mentioning is the findings of a study. Not saying that means it might not be incorrect. But what is your source?
My observational experience matches the studies.

No, that’s just in Muslim countries where women are possessions like house pets.

You know it took until the late 1960s for a woman to be allowed to get a divorce without having to prove adultery or rape etc. ?

I don't know the dates regarding voting, owning property, and such, but you're wrong. It's relatively recently that we've changed to be different than those Muslim countries in how we view women. We are still living in a society that was shaped by a patriarchy that treated women as possessions.

[Undies]

i think it was 1920 for voting, in the US anyway.

[Jessica]

[Undies]

i don't think beta males are needed to ruin a marriage. it seems kind of condescending to assume that women are incapable of screwing up a marriage themselves.

and it usually fucks me in the end.

if you're not into pegging, that's definitely something you should let her know.

[Meliai]

Women couldn't get credit cards in their name until 1975

[Meliai]

Pete's Draggun I would be super interested in hearing about how your thoughts on this relate to attachment theory.

[Pete's Draggun]

Meliai

I'm gonna thoroughly re-read YFM's entire thread and get back to you.

[Pete's Draggun]

Meliai

My re-reading of YFM'S attachment theory has opened a massive amount of information about my past as a child and going further with me at 49.

It'll be a huge post when I'm done.

[Meliai]

Pete's Draggun I look forward to reading! I think it's something everyone should do at some point as an adult, consider how their childhood shaped them and their attachments

[Meliai]

Married men are happier than single men, that much is true. But I dare say single men do better than single women. Single men seem to cope with it better by retreating into MGTOW stuff like video games and porn.

I don't see how this qualifies as "doing well."
Doing well to me isn't merely coping, it's building a rich world with fulfilling hobbies, a loving, supportive social network, new experiences, etc

Something men and women are both quite capable of doing I think, but I was just reporting on a study I read and found interesting.

[6-eyed]

I didn't say "do well." I said "do better than."

[6-eyed]

You're seriously going to use a misogynistic cliché to try to make a point? Don't be silly.

The crazy cat lady trope is a factual phenomenon. It's a mental illness similar to compulsive hoarding disorder, but with living animals. Find me a happily married crazy cat lady who's mentally stable and I'll shut up.

What's your source for saying they (we, actually, since I AM a childless single woman) don't do well on their own? Because what Mel and I are mentioning is the findings of a study. Not saying that means it might not be incorrect. But what is your source?
My observational experience matches the studies.

You know it took until the late 1960s for a woman to be allowed to get a divorce without having to prove adultery or rape etc. ?

I don't know the dates regarding voting, owning property, and such, but you're wrong. It's relatively recently that we've changed to be different than those Muslim countries in how we view women. We are still living in a society that was shaped by a patriarchy that treated women as possessions.

Women's happiness has been steadily declining since the mid 20th century. As more women are pressured to ignore or postpone motherhood during their most fertile years and pursue a career. Inevitably most of them wind up desperate for motherhood as menopause draws near. My personal life coach has helped many career women who suffer this fate. They are brought up by the Gloria Steinem propaganda of, "I need no man in my life." Of course Steinem is a hypocrite who wound up getting happily married despite preaching to all her feminist followers not to.

https://www.nber.org/papers/w14969

https://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/summary?doi=10.1.1.187.1913

[Jessica]

lol 6-eyed

i didn't say you would find a happily married crazy cat lady; i said most unmarried women aren't crazy cat ladies :-)

there are also lots of happy women (married or not) who have lots of cats or other animals. so you're just talking about mentally ill people, really. you get men and women like that and yes they're less likely to be married. i think you have the cause and effect the wrong way around though.


and you're probably right about career women and regrets about kids, but i'd say the problem is that most industries aren't set up to accommodate motherhood when they probably could be. women who are successful, in many fields, have had to get there by adapting to a masculine approach and thought system.