Cold approach Do's and Don'ts

[Pete's Draggun]

#1 rule in cold approach

NEVER/EVER buy/offer a woman a alcoholic drink or non alcoholic beverage.


It automatically tells the woman that you're head over heels for her and also trying to buy her attention $$ for a short discussion.

Terrible cold approach move.

[Din Djarin]

Lol and Le Sigh

[Din Djarin]

Oh sorry, Jessica when i would offer to buy a drink it could literally mean anything or nothing, which is why i found Pete's specific conclusion for every men so ludicrous

[Jessica]

okay, but in my eyes it IS an attempt to "buy the woman's time" almost always (disagree about the head over heels part), even if that isn't a conscious thought, it's still what is happening. so i was just interested what you felt it specifically implied, when you do it.

[Din Djarin]

I guess that IS what is technically happening, but all things attributed to it in the OP would only apply on men who consciously do this and see this as THE go to approach. Not any man who thinks lets see if we can get to know eachother over a drink or 2 by starting to offer this woman at the bar a beverage
Jessica

[Jessica]

I agree with the drink thing, but mostly because it seems a dangerous way to start any relationship, by lowering inhibitions and affecting judgement.

I don't think men are being manipulative by doing it, but I think it's often almost that they've subconsciously learned they'll get better results if she's tipsy.

It's a *red flag* for me when a man appears disappointed when I tell him I don't drink alcohol ever.

[Din Djarin]

That's curious, how do you ingest alcohol then? :-D

[Jessica]

I don't! and you know it.

[lode]

I buy her something salty and wait til she begs me to parch her thirst.

#TeamSigma

[Undies]

I agree that it's not a great approach move, but #1 rule? There's way worse things you could do.

Interestingly, I've never done the buy a drink approach, but I had it done to me once. It was effective.

[Jessica]

Because women fear being taken advantage of and men hope for it :-D

[WritersPanic]

Oh hush, that is not true. Most of us want sex to be a 2-way street. I realize there are plenty of shallow assholes out there and we're all exposed to hookup culture, but I can't imagine trying to have sex with someone who doesn't genuinely want to. What I came to miss about the disco era was a lot of women were initiating sex, especially if a guy could dance. The I became a sailor and people didn't even want me walking on their grass. Then I discovered rentals!

[Pete's Draggun]

I agree that it's not a great approach move, but #1 rule? There's way worse things you could do.

Undies
Name two way worse things a guy can do.

[Meliai]

Oh i have 2

1) Holla at her on the street ("daaayuuum, hey girl" while staring at her in a lascivious manner, that sort of thing)
2) cold approach when she's obviously on a mission and in no mood for shenanigans. Like if a woman is looking like she's obviously in a hurry at a store, don't stand in her path and try to talk to her. A woman on a mission must not be disturbed.


but I don't like the drink thing either. If I'm out at a bar I'm there with friends and not going to ditch my friends because someone thinks they can buy a conversation with me. Plus this guy once threw a $5 bill at me when I declined to let him buy me a drink and I'll forever more associate the approach with his entitled attitude

[Din Djarin]

Plus this guy once threw a $5 bill at me when I declined to let him buy me a drink and I'll forever more associate the approach with his entitled attitude

He sounds at least properly emancipated :-D

[Undies]

Undies
Name two way worse things a guy can do.

Well my mind always goes to the extreme examples. Like stalking them from a distance and thinking that somehow it will result in anything, showing up at the doorstep when they've never spoken, putting on women's clothes and approaching them in the restroom the way some of our members think is happening all the time...

For things that actually happen, mel kind of answered for me. But to expand on her examples, the version of number 1 I used to see a lot was when a car full of guys would suddenly stop next to a walking woman and shout ride offers at her. And number 2 is another way of saying "stop hitting on women who are trying to work out at the gym". There's a reason they create women's only gyms, or women's only areas at coed gyms. Because guys are obnoxious.

Also just in the last few days I've seen several posts on LinkedIn from women complaining about creepy old men sending flirty (creepy) private messages to complete strangers on what is supposed to be a professional networking platform. Which makes me think of another example, any workplace harassment would probably be worse than a free drink. Or the similar but more extreme example, a teacher hitting on his student.

[Din Djarin]

I can say: stalking from up close doesn't work either
Putting on women's clothes has a higher sense of succes (but not to suprise them with it in a public restroom)

[Din Djarin]

He sounds at least properly emancipated :-D

Oh wait, I read this all wrong lol (thought Meliai said he threw money at her so she could buy drinks :P But then the joke isn't that spot on either as she should be paying, not just getting them )

[6-eyed]

Never cold approach her from behind. Move in from her peripheral view.

[6-eyed]

#1 rule in cold approach

NEVER/EVER buy/offer a woman a alcoholic drink or non alcoholic beverage.


It automatically tells the woman that you're head over heels for her and also trying to buy her attention $$ for a short discussion.

Terrible cold approach move.

I concur. It's a dumb idea to open up with a free drink offer. Gives her a chance to take advantage of the GUY. She accepts a free drink and disappears with her friends and ignores him the rest of the night.

At least have an in-depth conversation with her before offering to buy her a drink.

[Din Djarin]

"Hi, is God the universe trying to experience Itself through us? Damn I'm thirsty, I'm getting a drink, what about you?"

[Meliai]

would marry someone on the spot if they randomly asked me some weird philosophical shit, they don't even need to buy me a drink