Contacting an Ex

[OP1]

This subject arose because of a post by 6 in the dreams thread:

https://www.treefortforums.net/forum/general-topics/3988-dreams?p=230548#post230548

I think that as long as you are on good terms with an ex, it's ok to contact them to communicate something about the relationship if you feel like you need to get it off your chest. That doesn't guarantee that it would be well received, but it could still be worthwhile. If the relationship was fundamentally good, and you both happen to be single, maybe it could lead to reconciliation. Even if it did not lead to that, it could still be beneficial, for example both parties might be more at peace with one another.

GLEN...... says no, leave your relationships in the past.

What do you think?

[Youfreeme]

I think you need to consider the reason that you separated and how recently.

If you had a bad and relatively recent breakup, or it was abrupt or painful, it's probably best not to prolong your suffering by trying to talk to them again. In these situations I think it's usually best to just cut the person out and move forward.

If you were very bad to them, and you feel like you need to apologize: well, that's tricky. Is the apology for you or is it for them? Do you think that hearing from you might traumatize or hurt the person? In that case I think leaving them alone is best.

Otherwise- go with your gut, I say.

[Pete's Draggun]

I'm completely with G.G.

Walk away.....and never look back with zero future contact.

So many woman out there to discover.

Be excited to totally move on from the ex and date that next new beautiful babe that you find/have 8.5/9 level of attraction for.

[Loverofcatsandfooty]

It depends upon the circumstances.
If you find out that the ex might be ill and you still share custody with kids you should be worried.

[rolling]

There are many circumstances not being discussed here for instance buddy thinks you should walk away

what if you helped raise a child... it would be pretty shity to turn your back on a kid.....

it isn't a weakness that someone can be friends with their ex ....is a strength and I say always look back
and putting an actual number on levels of Attraction .... that is the lamest fucking thing I have seen in awhile

[Jessica]

It definitely can be a strength, agreed.

[Tropical Breeze]

I agree that it depends on circumstance.

If two people are mature about it without expecting much from the other, then why not?

An ex-love can contact me whenever she wants. But pursuing a relationship again or becoming obsessive then.......adios amiga.

[Meliai]

I struggle with the no contact thing, I think because I have abandonment issues. Lol. No contact feels like death to me, like the person died. It's very painful. It's only recently occurred to me that not everyone experiences it like that, to that extreme.

Anyways so I generally like to stay on friendly terms, unless it just seems obvious the other person doesn't want to, then ill let them go and mourn their death

[Din Djarin]

I'm all for keeping normal contact with normal exes :P But would not contact an ex to get stuff off of my chest after such a dream.

[Din Djarin]

I'm completely with G.G.

Walk away.....and never look back with zero future contact.

So many woman out there to discover.

Be excited to totally move on from the ex and date that next new beautiful babe that you find/have 8.5/9 level of attraction for.

I don't think that is a meaningful point in this instance? I can see how that is worthy to point out if a guy would try to get back with or has trouble getting over an ex, but seems not the case here.
Not keeping in contact with any ex by default because there are many other women out there... Not so much

[Undies]

this is way too situational to have an actual answer.

i don't see a lot of benefit in contacting an ex "to communicate something about the relationship if you feel like you need to get it off your chest" in most cases. although i'm sure there are situations where it could be beneficial to one or both of you.

but contacting an ex in general, there's infinite combinations of status of the relationship and reason for contact. hell, us small towners might have to move in order to avoid all future contact.

what about the old "i just found out i have herpes" call? it could be considered pretty wrong not to contact them in this case.

[Verbe]

Don't do it

[OP1]

So many woman out there to discover.

Be excited to totally move on from the ex and date that next new beautiful babe that you find/have 8.5/9 level of attraction for.

Certainly one should not cling to the hope of rekindling a relationship that's clearly done. On the other hand, sometimes people break up even though a relationship was fundamentally solid, there but there was just a lack of communication or some other issue that could be fixed. If you treat relationships as too disposable, doesn't that mean any relationship you get into is hanging by a thread? Doesn't that mean that you'll just leave at the first sign of trouble rather than trying to resolve problems?

Beyond that, the motive for contacting someone wouldn't necessarily have to be trying to restart the relationship.

I appreciate your including this perspective though.

[OP1]

what about the old "i just found out i have herpes" call? it could be considered pretty wrong not to contact them in this case.

Yeah, unless you just made it up to fuck with your ex's head

[Pete's Draggun]

If you treat relationships as too disposable, doesn't that mean any relationship you get into is hanging by a thread?

No.

During the dating process, both men and women should be vetting each other for compatibility and red flags. If one or both of those exist, that person should NEXT the other. Obviously why would anyone want "to make" a relationship work during the first (about or around 90 days) or (8 to 10 dates) process with that person. Dating has the greatest potential to be hanging on by a thread because of its still all basic discovery of one another.

During the committed monogamous relationship phase (that the woman initiates discussion on) is where there can be conversations to help the relationship grow in trust, love and safety. CMR's shouldn't be at all hanging on by a thread because the vetting process is/should've already been completed during the dating phase where "the thread" should've been cut/NEXTed if it needed to be.

Doesn't that mean that you'll just leave at the first sign of trouble rather than trying to resolve problems?

In dating phase:Yes, absolutely leave

The objective is not to compromise your highest of standards with a man/woman just to continue dating. A complete waste of everyone's time.


In CMR phase:No

The dating phase is over. Vetting for one's highest of standards is complete. If insignificant problems arise, work on them together through conversations. If a not so insignificant problem arises that wasn't discovered during the dating vetting process, it might make one pause and contemplate further being in a CMR relationship with that person. However, maybe through conversations, the not so insignificant problem can be resolved through compromise discussions. A true high quality and virtuous relationship to be in.


Back on topic

Going back to or giving an Ex another opportunity, is being second place to one's self. Why on earth would anyone settle for second place when they can be a first place with a new person to date and having the possibility of the relationship becoming a trusted, loved and safe CMR.

[Tropical Breeze]

Back on topic

Going back to or giving an Ex another opportunity, is being second place to one's self.....

I don't think this thread is even entirely about giving an ex another opportunity but rather contacting an ex. The latter you need not worry about placements. You could even both be in relationships with other people in time of contact.

Two people could part ways. Doesn't mean they stop caring about each other.