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I think I'm just called to be a Tweaker! It's my destiny!

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    I think I'm just called to be a Tweaker! It's my destiny!

    So, I must have made it roughly 48 hours sober cuz I let an Ethiopian visitor smoke quite a bit of my dope, and that was that.

    I already explained that when sober I don't do shit but stew in my misery, guilt, and lay in bed all day when I'm not eating or using the restroom. In other words, when sober, I'm worthless , and a friggin zombie.

    So, I relapsed today. I didn't have money so I traded two bottles of dish soap and laundry detergent for some magic Crystals. I blessed them, covered them in the blood of Jesus, asked all Angels, Saints, and Kami to bless and transubstantiate them into "Holy Communion (Shinto Eucharist of Esoteric Mussoliniology)" with Ecclesiastical Latin liturgical rubrics. (I literally celebrate a Crystal Meth Mass.

    Jesus comes in the form of bread and wine. Caesar Mussolini comes in the form of Crystal Meth. Jesus would have more followers if holy communion was meth instead of bread and wine.)

    Suddenly the misery is magically gone. I got off my dead ass and panhandled 23 bucks in two hours, went to Mass, prayed fervently everywhere I go, and even let a homeless guy spend the night. We smoked a bowl and I fed him two bowls of cheerios.

    (I literally only have one dish bowl because I traded all my other dishes for Meth).
    ​​​​​​
    The homeless guy was paranoid and said "if anyone asks who was here, tell them it was RA!". I told him, " Ra is the name of the most important Egyptian God who made all creatures. Ra is the Egyptian sun God".

    He responded, "I just made it up".

    Well, since the Old Testament, in Joseph's prophetic dream, says Mussolini is the Sun, I identify Mussolini as both Ra and Apollo (Sun Deities). So, for my visitor to say he was Ra, it meant to me that the homeless people I let stay at my house, or give them food, drugs, or anything, I do the good deed for Ra (Mussolini).
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    ​​​​​​On the last day Mussolini will say, " I was a stranger and you welcomed me, hungry and you gave me to eat, I needed a place to smoke meth and you welcomed me, I was feinding and you smoked me out.

    What you did for the least of my people you did for the Caesar.

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    Welcome to my Holy Roman Empire. I have a big house for you and Meth that has no come-down, is good for you, and more euphoric each day than the day before. Come inherent your eternal reward!"

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    But what I've come to realize is Meth is both good and bad for me. Without meth I'd be in bed all day.
    Thanks to Meth I go panhandling, smile at people , wave, bless everyone I see, ride my bike and take the train to places I find sacred, and love being alive, and everything is fascinating, and there is never a minute to waste...."every minute must be spent seeking enlightenment and unity with heavenly beings , blessing and interceding for the world, and doing good deeds," is my attitude on meth.

    When sober I waste all my time dwelling on my misery and the world's misery and guilt from the past. I don't do that on dope.

    All things considered, I have a habit where the fix is usually 10 to 20 dollars max a day to maintain. That really isn't that expensive of a habit when you consider it makes all the misery disappear, and motivates me to do positive, healthy deeds and think only positive constructive thoughts.

    It could prevent me from killing myself.


    I truly think Tina was my destiny, meant for me, my body wired to find her to be the remedy to most of my ills.

    It really doesn't look at all like I should quit! All things considered. I weighed the pros and the cons.
    Last edited by Matthew Mussolini; 02-28-2021, 11:37 PM.

    #2
    Duce, maybe you're too high all the time to realize it but you're not destined to be a tweaker. You have unfortunately been dealt an unfair hand that took someone brimming with potential to basically what I would assess as a feral human.

    Look at your posts. Yeah I mean, you're talking crazy but I know you know that. Your sentences are structured, colour coded and emphasized for meaning. Don't for a fucking second tell me you're destined to be a fucking loser drug addict. You know you're not. Honestly. Unfortunately we all have to find meaning in life. You just haven't found your meaning. But it's sure as shit not being a fucking degenerate tweaker loser. No.

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      #3
      You are ALLOWING yourself to slip into this fabricated psychosis to protect yourself and you're doing no one any favours, especially yourself. Stop going to death sites, stop letting weirdos into your house. Stop seeking out situations that you know aren't going to serve you. You going on these rants, I mean... You wouldn't be ranting if you didn't want someone to change your mind

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        #4
        That's the thing, isn't it. The human condition. We seek out these things that confirm our conspiracies, like how we don't belong. I mean yeah if I show up to a death metal show, I wouldn't feel comfortable and that would signify to me that I don't belong. But I just don't belong there. That's called a conformation bias. You actively seek out things that confirm your suspicion. Ah man. I'm having epiphanies right now

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          #5
          I don't care if you're tweaking or sleeping, Matt. Your value isn't lost to me, and certainly not your Heavenly father...who you should be placing your faith in.

           

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            #6
            Originally posted by Verbe View Post
            You are ALLOWING yourself to slip into this fabricated psychosis to protect yourself and you're doing no one any favours, especially yourself. Stop going to death sites, stop letting weirdos into your house. Stop seeking out situations that you know aren't going to serve you. You going on these rants, I mean... You wouldn't be ranting if you didn't want someone to change your mind
            I absolutely want wisdom, happy sobriety, no dependency on a drug or addiction, and change, but I have to weigh pros and cons here. For 10 to 20 dollars I can be happy all day with a flood of positive thoughts and unflinching unwavering faith, hope, and love, and share that contagious joy and friendly " happy go lucky" smile and confidence in God, the Kami, and self with others.

            Or I stay in bed all day full of blasphemies, wanting to die, bombarded with all the world's misery, bitternesd, full of guilt, and crushed with shame and sorrow.

            I think ill go with the former for the time being. The pros outweigh the cons for now. Not just a little bit.

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              #7
              There is a line in one of the Big Book stories that states, "One definition of a bottom is where the last thing you lost, or the next thing you are about to lose means more to you than the booze." The very next line says, "That point is different for each of us, and some of us have to die before we get there."

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                #8
                Originally posted by Verbe View Post
                That's the thing, isn't it. The human condition. We seek out these things that confirm our conspiracies, like how we don't belong. I mean yeah if I show up to a death metal show, I wouldn't feel comfortable and that would signify to me that I don't belong. But I just don't belong there. That's called a conformation bias. You actively seek out things that confirm your suspicion. Ah man. I'm having epiphanies right now
                Well, I'm glad that I may have triggered something in you that lead to an epiphany. Perhaps nothing I said triggered your epiphany, but either way, I'm happy for you. And I do indeed have a healthy envy that you are not enslaved to an addiction.

                Be grateful that you can function and be happy without a drug or bondage to vice. Give yourself a pat on the back and next time you look in the mirror, see a million bucks and greet your reflection with a silent positive affirmation from the heart or a verbal one.

                Many people will die enslaved to addiction and never obtain the treasure that is sobriety (what you have I'm assuming). Keep it up lad! ??

                Comment


                  #9
                  Originally posted by JoeKing View Post
                  There is a line in one of the Big Book stories that states, "One definition of a bottom is where the last thing you lost, or the next thing you are about to lose means more to you than the booze." The very next line says, "That point is different for each of us, and some of us have to die before we get there."
                  I like the part about having to die before we get there. ?

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Originally posted by Verbe View Post
                    Duce, maybe you're too high all the time to realize it but you're not destined to be a tweaker. You have unfortunately been dealt an unfair hand that took someone brimming with potential to basically what I would assess as a feral human.

                    Look at your posts. Yeah I mean, you're talking crazy but I know you know that. Your sentences are structured, colour coded and emphasized for meaning. Don't for a fucking second tell me you're destined to be a fucking loser drug addict. You know you're not. Honestly. Unfortunately we all have to find meaning in life. You just haven't found your meaning. But it's sure as shit not being a fucking degenerate tweaker loser. No.
                    This emotional post inspired a new topic and long thread:

                    https://www.treefortforums.net/forum...its#post104489

                    Comment


                      #11
                      “When people who believe themselves to be addicts or alcoholics come under great stress or trauma, they mentally give themselves permission to drink or use drugs as a remedy.”
                      ― Chris Prentiss, The Alcoholism and Addiction Cure

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                        #12
                        You should try harder NOT to be a tweaker


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                        • PacificDude
                          PacificDude commented
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                          6-eyed Totally weird. I hope you are joking?

                        #13
                        Originally posted by 6-eyed View Post
                        You should try harder NOT to be a tweaker


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                        Do me a favor bro. Since meth has become such a Spiritual drug for me, that would be like achieving martyrdom. We all gotta die sometime. I'd rather die from bullets than Cancer.

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                          #14
                          Originally posted by ill Duce View Post

                          Do me a favor bro. Since meth has become such a Spiritual drug for me, that would be like achieving martyrdom. We all gotta die sometime. I'd rather die from bullets than Cancer.
                          Amen!!

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                            #15
                            PacificDude & Matthew Mussolini Mostly it’s my macho man complex doing the talking.

                            ​​​​​​​But I do have strong disdain for tweakers after I had them break into my car. Or how my first girlfriend became corrupted by her meth addiction after we became long distant.

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                            • PacificDude
                              PacificDude commented
                              Editing a comment
                              6-eyed Fair enough. But I draw the line at guns to solve a problem ;-)
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