Dislocated my right arm for the third time.

[Matthew Mussolini]

Yes, I know.

Got what was best for me. This time it wasn't a person yanking it out at least.

I climbed a ladder and it was wet and I fell.

When they were putting me under anesthesia it was so weird cuz I remember looking at the wall and then I heard them say "done", and I'm looking at the wall like I never knew I had been unconscious, but apparently I had been. I've been put under anesthesia many times. It was never like that.

I just feel really sorry for people that dislocate their arm like that and have to have it set while awake ....or worse, no one around to know how to set it, cuz some people don't have any such hope.

Anyway, it was good to experience it. Makes me realize how fragile things are. Reminds me of what kind of suffering people go through, and makes me want to not be selfish.

Have you ever had an injury or disease that was an epiphany or insightful like that?

Just pray that I don't lose the insight and become a better person. Sometimes am a better person when in a lot of physical pain.

[Jessica]

Why were you climbing a ladder?

[Jessica]

Not quite the same, but one of the most powerful epiphanies i ever had was at the end of 2017 and i thought i was in a lot of mental anguish, my inner voice was talking about how bad everything was and how much it was suffering, and then this much deeper inner voice i was never aware of before just went

"no, i'm not. i'm just hungry."

and i realised i didn't have to suffer, that it was completely a choice, regardless of the reality of the unhappy exterior things. i still forget all the time when unhappy things happen, but i'm getting better at remembering faster.

[Undies]

I just saw that you dislocated your arm, followed by a mention of yanking, and I figured you were looking at hot jewish girls again.

[Audiogen]

Have you ever had an injury or disease that was an epiphany or insightful like that?

I went camping on a mountain with friends to celebrate a joint birthday of my friend and I. I forget which birthday it was but we were preteens and in the morning everyone got a party pack with these wood model planes that had a groove on the wing part where you can connect the fuselage and then toss it in the air and it'll glide around for a few seconds.

I either threw mine and tried to run it down or I tried to catch someone else's plane but as I was running to chase it down, I failed to notice I was coming up on where the mountain started to slope down and once I stepped on that downhill part, I couldn't get my legs underneath me and I basically tried to keep up with the momentum of the slope for what felt like half a football field but it might have been more like 20 yards. I couldn't stop and in front of me, in about another 20 yards, I saw that the hill had a cliff, so I made a business decision and just let my legs give out and bit the dust.

I suffered a concussion and was in and out of consciousness for the entire morning. I'm pretty sure I was taken to the hospital but I don't remember anything about that visit.

That was insightful because I had yet to get black out drunk and I think the idea of losing consciousness during sleep was still abstract to me, so it was basically the first experience where I realized that the lights could go out and I could cease to be conscious.

[SpaceMan]

try doing the left one next time

or maybe both ...at the same time

[Matthew Mussolini]

Why were you climbing a ladder?

It was a monument to dead fireman that goes through a circular mirror. Circular mirrors are the greatest relic in Shinto. I call the ladder "Jacob's ladder". Jacob's ladder in the Old Testament symbolized " the ascent of the soul to God".

I think I may have pissed someone up there off. Either way, stuff like this makes me more mindful of the suffering some people are in, especially injured people without medical care.

[PacificDude]

Yes, I know.

Got what was best for me. This time it wasn't a person yanking it out at least.

I climbed a ladder and it was wet and I fell.

When they were putting me under anesthesia it was so weird cuz I remember looking at the wall and then I heard them say "done", and I'm looking at the wall like I never knew I had been unconscious, but apparently I had been. I've been put under anesthesia many times. It was never like that.

I just feel really sorry for people that dislocate their arm like that and have to have it set while awake ....or worse, no one around to know how to set it, cuz some people don't have any such hope.

Anyway, it was good to experience it. Makes me realize how fragile things are. Reminds me of what kind of suffering people go through, and makes me want to not be selfish.

Have you ever had an injury or disease that was an epiphany or insightful like that?

Just pray that I don't lose the insight and become a better person. Sometimes am a better person when in a lot of physical pain.

Damn, totally sorry to read about this, dude. But I'm with Jessica on this one: WTF were you doing on a wet ladder? Hell, I do my best to stay away from them even when they are dry.... haha.

I hope you at least ended up with some potent pain pills of some sort ;-)

BTW, several TF members are hoping you will make a swift and painless recovery. Ignore all the haters. Not sure what's up with them, but popularity breeds contempt big time. Don't ever forget that...

[Matthew Mussolini]

Damn, totally sorry to read about this, dude. But I'm with Jessica on this one: WTF were you doing on a wet ladder? Hell, I do my best to stay away from them even when they are dry.... haha.

I hope you at least ended up with some potent pain pills of some sort ;-)

BTW, several TF members are hoping you will make a swift and painless recovery. Ignore all the haters. Not sure what's up with them, but popularity breeds contempt big time. Don't ever forget that...

Okay, since people are wondering why I ascended a wet ladder I'm gonna say why, but it might get this thread moved to the pit.

I was climbing the ladder as an ascent to God and Amaterasu who gave her Great grandson a circular mirror which the current Emperor of Japan holds dear as his highest relic, and circular mirrors are the greatest relic in Shinto where it is believed they can become possessed by Kami, or charged with Spirits and become a Goshintai, like a Catholic Eucharist. (Just they don't eat it).

On Japan day with paper that said in big letters JAPAN, I had been praying for Japan when I found the paper belonging to Maximilian Kolbe who was a missionary in Japan, then went home to visit Poland and died in Auschwitz giving his life to save another life.

With that paper in hand, I found a circular mirror on ground outside the Cathedral that I took as a gift from Amaterasu, for the circular mirror was the gift she gave the legendary first Emperor of Japan, Emperor Jimmu. (Means "God warrior" but spell check changed the name to Jimmy.

Jimmy means Jacob so I proceeded to then find the fireman shrine and circular mirror which I call Jacob's or Jimmu's (Jimmy's) ladder, ascent to Amaterasu, the souls ascent to God. The shrine is tucked away somewhere I never found it when I made pilgrimage to other memorials to the loving dead heroes of Minnesota.

That is a story I have shared here before, but it was almost midnight March 23rd last night, and March 23rd is the birthday of the Fascist party in Italy, which was born March 23rd 1919.

I would never think to ascend a wet metal ladder, but I had been blaspheming God lately, and I decided before midnight, I'd ascend the wet ladder as penance and reparation for my sins. Well, turns out, I got through the mirror and over top of the monument, overlooking all the lights on Capitol hill, made a wish upon the stars and planets, and meteor showers, then on my way down did more penance and reparation than I had anticipated.

Slipped, hit a statue of a fireman holding a girl whose hands i placed flowers in, which knocked my shoulder out, then to the concrete.

The paramedics locked my bike to a stop sign so I gotta go get that and ride my bike home with one arm. Imagine if I wreck....hahaha!

Weird thing is, I placed my letter of apology to Incarnate Lia about an hour prior to that in the outgoing mail, telling her she was not at fault for anything, and had done no wrong. Lia is the name of first spouse of Jacob who spiritual writers say represents suffering, bitterness, rejection, and the cross , so I consider myself married to the state entity which I called Lia, and that was her birthday party present me thinks, cuz it was her party's anniversary. Plus I kinda haven't given the best name to those I represent.

It totally happened for a reason because I also named the girl the fireman was holding Lia a while back, and prayed God would hold Incarnate Lia and carry her through the trials. And the only other time I injured myself seriously in a fall was over Lia, so to fall right before midnight, on the birthday of the bride of my soul, Lia, roughly an hour after mailing letters to the girl I fell for, is priceless!

It was totally meant to be and I simply offered up my suffering as my arm just dangled there, unable to lift or move the damn thing. When I suffer, that is my offering to the Kami. Someone out there is suffering worse injuries without medical care or anesthesia, so I offer it up for them them, keep that in mind, and hold them in my heart.

[Matthew Mussolini]

PacificDude Ill never forget "popularity breeds contempt". If I get popular it's probably because I'm doing something wrong. Ill remember the crucified carpenter , born in a barn because there was no room at the inn. The King of Kings who wore a glorious crown of thorns. Something to consider.

[Matthew Mussolini]

Oh shit, spell check changed Incarnate to incarcerate lol. I hate spell check.

[PacificDude]

PacificDude Ill never forget "popularity breeds contempt". If I get popular it's probably because I'm doing something wrong. Ill remember the crucified carpenter , born in a barn because there was no room at the inn. The King of Kings who wore a glorious crown of thorns. Something to consider.

Matthew Mussolini Yeah, but that's only part of the story. I was talking about how Mother Teresa is hated by many because she has become a popular figure. They don't give a damn about how much she has made the world a better place for all. It's all jealousy and simple minds:

[Audiogen]

Oh shit, spell check changed Incarnate to incarcerate lol. I hate spell check.

If you're on a phone, it's probably called predictive text or autofill and it can be turned off.

[PacificDude]

Matthew Mussolini Dude, what's the update on the shoulder? That's probably why you are having trouble w/your tablet? Did you get any pain killers from the doctors? You certainly are able to bounce back from these painful situations in a hurry!

Anyways, I've been including you in my prayers. Get well soon! And be more careful in the future!

[Matthew Mussolini]

Matthew Mussolini Dude, what's the update on the shoulder? That's probably why you are having trouble w/your tablet? Did you get any pain killers from the doctors? You certainly are able to bounce back from these painful situations in a hurry!

Anyways, I've been including you in my prayers. Get well soon! And be more careful in the future!

The shoulder is in a lot of pain and supposed to be in the brace they give me. It doesn't hurt to type, but hurts to journal or write with pen. It's in pain no doubt, and I see Orthopedics on wednesday , but beings that it came out three times, means that I'm going to need surgery to hopefully stop it from coming out so easy.

Thank you for your prayers, as I'm sure they are helping. Pray that I get sober some how some way...

I'm actually looking for a new apartment, because if I could get a fresh start, I just might, in fact I'm almost positive, I'd stay sober.

What's preventing me from staying sober is it shows up for free so many times. In the last 20 days , I've spent a total of 18 dollars on the product, yet most of those days I used the drug, because it just magically shows up for free from people wanting to crash at my place (or like today, let their girlfriend crash there lol).

So, I just need a fresh start. Pray for that too!