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Are you the main character in your life’s story?

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    Are you the main character in your life’s story?

    If a book or movie were to be made about your life, obviously you’re gonna be the main character. Right? Or perhaps not.

    Think about this very carefully.

    Lots of people I talk to, have nothing interesting going on in their lives. They live through the lives of other people; mostly celebrities, successful people, and people who they love and hate. Most of whom wouldn’t know or even care about this person who follows them so intently.

    I was at a coffee shop the other day looking at the news on my phone, and I overheard the conversation of the guy and girl a few tables down. On a date. Rather than find away to connect through personal life stories and experiences, they talked about concerts, movies, albums, and athletes. These people must live such dull lives that they don’t have any of their OWN accomplishments or life lessons to share with the other person. Instead of living their own lives, they live through the lives of other people by knowing the ins and outs of someone more notable than themselves. And there are so many people out there like this who care more about a movie star they adore, a politician they obsessively hate, a or freakin’ fictional character more than they care about themselves!

    Seriously. Think about your life and your current situation. Is a film based on your life, going to star you as the main character? Or someone else who you find more interesting than yourself?

    #2
    I don't know but I'd much rather talk to someone about concerts they've lived or albums they've loved than a politician that they either like or hate but only have a vague idea of through television and media.
    Last edited by Audiogen; 07-22-2020, 08:50 AM.

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      #3
      6-eyed Did you forget your avatar is a logo of a music group while writing this? I'm slightly baffled by your summation of these people on the coffee date.

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        #4
        So, to the question "are you the main character in your life’s story"?

        While I understand the theory that someone may have more influence in our lives than us (whether we like it, or not),

        It is still our story.

        If someone else wrote it, it could be said that it's anyone's story- fill in the blank... The writer can pick who they emphasize.





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          #5
          It would be about me but it would not be an exciting movie. Which suits me fine because life is not a movie and it doesn't have to be (lived as if it were) one.

          So, I understand what you're getting at esp with the talking about other peoples accomplishments but it must be all in the details of how these peeps on a date talked about it.
          Sometimes I get misanthropic feelings when I'm cycling by a block of all the same houses in the evening, with people all having a big tv in the same corner of the room, watching repetetive shows and i can't help thinking what pointless useless lifes.. But I also had the realisation that after a good day of hard work or doing lots of fun and perhaps even rewarding or meaningful stuff, I could be observed sitting in my lazy chair looking at the tv in a similar way. Feeling great :P

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            #6
            Originally posted by Din Djarin View Post
            So, I understand what you're getting at esp with the talking about other peoples accomplishments but it must be all in the details of how these peeps on a date talked about it.

            Probably aware of their surroundings and realized they could be eaves dropped on, so didn't want to share anything too personal.

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              #7
              I'm with everyone else, I dont really see whats so bad about talking about music and movies on a date? It can be a bit boring and tedious, and come off as bombastic, when someone wants to drone on about their own life, their accomplishments and goals and stuff on a date. I think its better to find shared interests and then the more personal details reveal themselves slowly over time as you connect. Plus maybe they were on a first date and trying to keep it neutral,or maybe they've known each other forever and have already shared their inner thoughts with each other and were just having a relaxed date.

              I know thats sort of besides the point and I do get your point, I just dont think talking about interests outside of yourself automatically means you have nothing going on in your own life.

              I do agree there are a lot of people who just live on the surface of life, numb themselves with mindless entertainment, and dont really explore their own inner depths

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                #8
                "did you exchange
                a walk-on part in the war
                for a lead role in a cage"

                ​​​​​​

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                  #9
                  And yeah I think I disagree with everyone else... Talking about music, books, films on a date is for the most part extremely boring, and also not really very helpful in ascertaining if someone is a good match.

                  ​​​​​​There are exceptions when music or film is a passion of theirs/yours, and it's more in depth than just what you like/don't like, what you used to like, who you saw live. We're so used to thinking that this is normal conversation we hardly realise how absolutely pointless it is. It's the filler talk people use while they're subconsciously assessing whether they want to have sex. We feel bursts of pleasure when we share a favourite band but ultimately it means nothing.


                  ​​​​​​I want to discuss something in the room we can both see. Or I want to hear about a phobia the person had and learned to get over. What they hope to do tomorrow. What their hobbies are. What their biggest ambition is. Sometimes I've clicked on a deep level with people who listen to bad music and read bad books.

                  Hearing someone talk about their achievements doesn't have to carry the connotation of bragging or showing off. If someone can tell me about a solo trip they took or something they learned, while also asking questions about my stories, it's all good.

                  ​​​

                  ​​​​​

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                    #10
                    Originally posted by J Ruth View Post

                    ​​​​​​I want to discuss something in the room we can both see.
                    ​​​​​
                    Oh my, like on a date in a restaurant? That screams boring to me! Rather talk about eachother's music taste any day

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                      #11
                      Originally posted by Din Djarin View Post

                      Oh my, like on a date in a restaurant? That screams boring to me! Rather talk about eachother's music taste any day
                      What?
                      ​​​​​​I've already explained WHY music taste etc is boring and also not helpful, but you just state "it's boring" without explaining why.

                      I like games where you people watch and come up with creative back stories for strangers across the room(restaurant) and stuff like that. You learn far more about a person and possible compatibility.

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                        #12
                        obviously different people are going to have different ideas about what makes for interesting conversation on a date.
                        and also, on a first date I dont really see anything wrong with keeping it surface level and trying to ascertain sexual attraction. If there's no chemistry there's no reason to continue anyways. The deeper stuff, the real connection and the shared values and all that, it comes later. Those things take time. Chemistry is the one part of compatibility you can tell right off the bat. And after that...I would say, sense of humor. Two things that play a fairly big role in compatibility, at least initially, and can be determined on a first date while keeping the subject matter light. I dunno, I guess because I tend to be a reserved person I would just rather the deeper things, shared values and outlook on life and goals and all that, be revealed slowly over time.

                        But thats just me, everyone is different in dating and I think this is all besides the point anyways.

                        I just dont think anyone can make a snap judgment about how empty or full someone's life is based on a brief, overheard conversation.

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                        • Din Djarin
                          Din Djarin commented
                          Editing a comment
                          Didn't saw this post before typing mine below, but yeah, I basically agree. I did like it at times though that it went into the deep end conversationwise on the first encounter, but not really neccesary or a must. It can just as easily be a turn off

                        • Dr. Doom
                          Dr. Doom commented
                          Editing a comment
                          Totally agree Mel... I must add that a friend of mine keeps having trouble keeping a woman's attention, and was wondering why. He told me about a date he recently went on, where they got along great! I asked "so, what did you two talk about for four hours? (You see where this is going, maybe?)..."Oh hell we talked about everything. I was like an open book to her. But I can't seem to get another date
                          with her."
                          I said "maybe you should just talk about a very few things on each date...she knows all about you, do you know her that well? Um, no, kinda but not really."
                          I told him he gave everything in one night, and she know the next dates will be boring, plus if you give yourself away that easily, she's not gonna have much confidence in him.
                          But, this guy is a know-it-all, said he will do as he does. Now he's seeing someone out of his league, who he basically has little in common with, and, well you get it. He rubbed my nose in it, and dumped on me in a way that male friends don't do to each other, so I don't hang w/ him anymore. What I said made him mad, so he shat on me, basically. But I don't care, because I'm better off.

                          Maybe this can help someone else here, or someone they know. I've seen guys make mistakes like that before (ego).
                          Last edited by Dr. Doom; 07-23-2020, 08:28 AM.

                        • Din Djarin
                          Din Djarin commented
                          Editing a comment
                          Amerijuanican good point Also, if the date partner is too quiet some people (like me) can unneccesary compensate. Like, I'm ok with silences, but feel bad if my date partner isn't. I know I have intimidated someone that way a bit at least once :P

                        #13
                        Observing (and talking about) people with my date/SO is one of my fav things to do :-D Just not objects around us on a first date. That seems like there's nothing else to talk about. Which is boring. I acknowledge it all depends on the details and the person (just like you should with a subject like music or something).
                        I don't like fantasizing about strangers either at first instance, like conjuring up back stories. But on a first date it would be give and take. Its unwise to be anal about such a thing. Wether its music taste or talking about an object in the room we can both see (but one might not have any thought or fascination for)

                        I find talking about music and other art is a great way to get to know eachother on a first date. It's as superficial or informative as the peeps on a date make it themselves. Although you can determine wether there's a click or compatability with basically any subject, taking a random subject in the room often seems like the person doing it couldn't come up with something Doesn't have to be the case of course.

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                          #14
                          Meliai i but you can ascertain the attraction from talking about what you did for your last adventure too, and neither does that subject have to be "deep".
                          I suspect a great percentage of three year relationships that then end began with "oh you like this band, I like that band! Ooh we read the same book and watch the same films"...None of that stuff actually means anything in the long term. But I get that most people think it does : ) and what do I know, maybe to them, it does.

                          But my point is that once you experience the buzz of shared interests, physical attraction, get involved.. Then it's much harder to see values that are not shared and act on that.. Cause you already built something on liking the same stuff. Why spend all the time sharing interests only to find that they're on a different trajectory? That point goes both ways.

                          ​​​​

                          Comment


                            #15
                            Originally posted by J Ruth View Post
                            i but you can ascertain the attraction from talking about what you did for your last adventure too, and neither does that subject have to be "deep".
                            Of course. Just as it can be a turnoff if it means the world to a person that they went on such a trip, and the other thinks can't (s)he shut up about it :P

                            I suspect a great percentage of three year relationships that then end began with "oh you like this band, I like that band! Ooh we read the same book and watch the same films"...None of that stuff actually means anything in the long term. But I get that most people think it does : ) and what do I know, maybe to them, it does.
                            Yeah, obviously you're talking about what you find meaningful. And perhaps you're kind of kidding/charging a bit? You can't in seriousness tell what stuff actually means to/for every other person. That simply differs.

                            But my point is that once you experience the buzz of shared interests, physical attraction, get involved.. Then it's much harder to see values that are not shared and act on that.. Cause you already built something on liking the same stuff. Why spend all the time sharing interests only to find that they're on a different trajectory? That point goes both ways.

                            ​​​​​​
                            Meh, could be in some peoples cases. I don't see that as a given at all. But glad you expanded on it anyway

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