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Silly jokes !

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    I just literally laughed out loud at every joke in this thread​​​​​​


      Why do seagulls fly over the sea and not the bay?

      Because they’d be called Bagels



        A hunter kills and eats a bald eagle gets caught by officials..
        "Your Honor," the hunter said, "I had no idea that it was illegal to kill and eat a bald eagle. If you let me go, I'll never do it again."
        "You've committed a very serious crime," the judge replies. "But you clearly weren't aware of the law, so I'm willing to overlook it this one time. However, before I let you go, I'm going to ask you to do one thing."
        "Anything, Your Honor," the hunter replies. "What is it?"
        The judge says, "It's been illegal to kill a protected species for many years, so very few people have ever eaten a bald eagle. For the record, can you please tell everyone what a bald eagle tastes like?"
        The hunter thinks for a moment and then replies, "It tastes pretty good. Kind of like a cross between a spotted owl and a condor."


          I accidentally drank a bottle of invisible ink last night.

          I'm in the hospital now, waiting to be seen.




            What do you call a Japanese sociopath who is unaffected by the death of one of his victims?



            Genders are like the twin towers. There used to be two of them and now it’s a sensitive subject.


              When does a regular joke turn into a dad joke?

              When it says it's just going out for groceries and never comes back


                What animal has 5 legs?

                Your pit bull after you left it alone with your baby to answer the door for the pizza delivery guy


                  A carrot and an apple go for a wild ride in a convertible. A slick spot around a corner cause the vehicle to go out of control and slam into a truck.

                  When the apple regains consciousness, he's in a hospital bed.

                  Doctor: "You've survived a bad accident and you're in the hospital now".

                  Apple: "What about my friend the carrot?"

                  Doctor: "I've got good news and bad news."

                  Apple: "What's the good news?"

                  Doctor: "He's survived."

                  Apple: "What's the bad news?"

                  Doctor: "I'm afraid he'll be a vegetable for the rest of his life."
                  "I like big butts and I can not lie"
                  - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe


                  • Jessica
                    Jessica commented
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                  For sale---- complete set of Britannica,74 volumes, good condition,£1000 ono.
                  no longer needed, got married, wife knows everything!


                    A Muslim was seated next to an Australian on a flight from London to Melbourne, Australia.
                    After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Aussie asked for a rum and coke, which was brought and placed before him.
                    The flight attendant then asked the Muslim if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."
                    The Aussie then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too. I didn't know we had a choice."


                      When do you kick a midget in the balls?

                      When he is standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells nice
                      mother moon -she's calling me back to her silver womb,
                      father of creation -takes me from my stolen tomb
                      seventh-advent unicorn is waiting in the skies,
                      a symptom of the universe, a love that never dies!


                        I went to a beekeeper to buy twelve bees yesterday. He gave me thirteen, so I told him, you've given me one extra!

                        He said, "that's a freebie"



                        • Jessica
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                        • mallyboppa
                          mallyboppa commented
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                          I always laugh at my own jokes mate xxx

                        • Jessica
                          Jessica commented
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                          I came back to read my own post because I knew I'd find it funny again ;-)

                        The FBI in America sent a photograph of a wanted criminal.

                        The photo was in three poses – front face and two sideshots. They said: “We believe this criminal is in Ireland, keep a lookout for him.”

                        Two weeks later the Irish police sent back a message to the FBI, with the photograph, which read: “We got the fella in the middle but we’re still looking for the other two!”


                        • Jessica
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