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Thanks Verbe

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    Thanks Verbe



    I just wanted to thank Verbe .

    After the first Zoom meeting you and I enjoyed each other's company, but then I saw something outside of Zoom. that made me think you were cruel and wanted me to OD or blow my brains out, and we got into it.

    And we became vicious towards each other.

    Then when I returned to the forum after being absent for those few months, I was surprised to see unconditional compassion and love coming from you.

    Yes, there were others who surprised me too. People I didn't think I was on good terms with or found me repulsive who actually still cared about my well being.

    Fae , you actually shocked me ( in a good way ) because I really thought you hated me shortly before my absence, so thought you would be the last person who offer unconditional compassion to a forum leper.

    It very much spoke to me because if I judged you by what I saw before, I would have thought you were very cruel, judging by those moments.

    The opposite was actually true. It teaches me people can have so many sides to them and I just need to never judge or condemn anyone.

    It was a terrible feeling reading what many said while I was gone , but I brought it on myself, so cannot blame them.

    But it really meant the world to me to see charitable words and someone sticking up for me who was almost the last I would have expected.

    I will remember your kindness for a long time because it brought light when I was in a very dark-night of the soul. ⛅

    Thanks for seeing past my faults. Feel free to smack me up side the head when it's warranted.

    You are in my prayers, high regards, blessings, and positive vibes. A lot of wise, powerful Kami love you and look out for you. I know these things.

    (And yes TF, I know to keep boundaries. I just wanted to give due props . .
    )
    Last edited by Matthew Mussolini; 09-01-2021, 05:08 PM.

    #2
    Matt, I literally only said you shouldn't be on these forums. I never told you to od or blow your brains out? What the fuck?

    See this is where the delusion comes in, dude. You told yourself I said all these things and I hated you, but I didn't. I was apathetic at best, I chimed in and said yeah you're not good for the forums and your posts were wack, but I never said I hated you or I wanted you to die. I appreciate you appreciating me and I stand by what I said. And I encourage you to continue to try to assimilate into regular society. I know it sucks and society sucks and it's boring, but it's what we have to do.

    Comment


      #3
      Originally posted by Verbe View Post
      Matt, I literally only said you shouldn't be on these forums. I never told you to od or blow your brains out? What the fuck?

      See this is where the delusion comes in, dude. You told yourself I said all these things and I hated you, but I didn't. I was apathetic at best, I chimed in and said yeah you're not good for the forums and your posts were wack, but I never said I hated you or I wanted you to die. I appreciate you appreciating me and I stand by what I said. And I encourage you to continue to try to assimilate into regular society. I know it sucks and society sucks and it's boring, but it's what we have to do.
      Okay,
      ​You are right.

      I'm in treatment trying to get well.

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        #4
        I'm working with a Therapist to try and learn reality and what is appropriate.

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          #5
          Either way, you have taught me a valuable lesson about my own confusion, drug addiction, sleep deprivation, and mental health.

          I also misjudged everything.

          I thought multiple people at the forum wanted me dead.

          Either way, you have taught me a valuable lesson , and I would be wise to take your advice.

          I just thought I'd give due props.

          Comment


            #6
            No problem dude. I'm just cautious, I don't want to say something to you that wouldn't be helpful. I know you're in a very vulnerable position right now and I just don't want to overwhelm you and I don't want you to think something I've said really affect you or put ideas in your head of something that's not real and not happening.

            You have to understand that your words have weight. Accusing me of telling you to kill yourself? That's hurtful man, I really need you to understand that. Maybe you interact with people that you can say stuff like that to and it doesn't bother them, but that bothers me.

            I'm not sure what you're looking for when you post things on forums. Do you think about that? I've been reflecting on it personally, and I've actually been coming up with some answers. I feel like I've never really fit in with people around me, but I don't even try really. I just saw a chart about the different hormones that make up different emotions and apparently oxytocin, the bonding chemical is about 75% of what makes up happiness. So I'd assume that a lot of people get depressed because they are lacking a real bond, in real life or otherwise. Do you genuinely try to bond with people? I think you go out of your way to make it difficult to connect with you because you've experienced a lot of trauma in your life. I can recognize that in you, I can relate to the behaviour of using substances to mentally escape, it's a very difficult position to be in I know. My mental clarity has actually improved a lot since I have been off the forums and putting myself out there more. You could just message me but instead make a whole thread about me? Why? It's so performative, so impersonal. I appreciate it but it just shows me how difficult it is for you to form personal connections.

            You're not a lost cause, you're not crazy, if you really want to you can accomplish things that are positive and get out of the situation you're in. Trust me, I know it's hard but I've done it. A few years ago I was in a dark place and now I'm doing really well and I know you can do it too.

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              #7
              ??

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                #8
                she could have said it to anyone...its her habit

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                  #9
                  Verbe
                  I was confused.

                  I'm really confused.

                  My judgement is poor. I have become more aware of that.

                  I was simply trying to say in the OP you taught me a valuable lesson and I fucked up trying to give you a compliment.

                  But this has been healing as well as painful. And I truly didn't want to hurt you and appreciate what you have done.

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                    #10
                    technically she said "degenerate drug user "


                    there is a search function here ya know

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Originally posted by SpaceMan View Post
                      technically she said "degenerate drug user "


                      there is a search function here ya know
                      Okay man, whatever. She didn't do anything wrong. I misjudged.

                      And I brought it on myself.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Originally posted by ill Duce View Post

                        Okay man, whatever. She didn't do anything wrong. I misjudged.

                        And I brought it on myself.
                        Lmao don't worry about idiots on this forum, they're obsessed with me and follow me around (sound familiar?? Lol) and it's pretty annoying. Maybe you can see from an objective view point how annoying and weird it is for people to follow someone around, thinking about them all the time, going out of their way to interact with them like a freaking weirdo. In my case I've got a bunch of old men who apparently have nothing better to do than think about me and try to talk to me indirectly because they're too afraid. It's really pathetic. You can see that, right?

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Originally posted by Verbe View Post

                          Lmao don't worry about idiots on this forum, they're obsessed with me and follow me around (sound familiar?? Lol) and it's pretty annoying. Maybe you can see from an objective view point how annoying and weird it is for people to follow someone around, thinking about them all the time, going out of their way to interact with them like a freaking weirdo. In my case I've got a bunch of old men who apparently have nothing better to do than think about me and try to talk to me indirectly because they're too afraid. It's really pathetic. You can see that, right?
                          Okay,
                          I'll leave you be.

                          I meant well by simply giving a "thanks".

                          Take care!

                          Comment

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