Apologies

[dream catcher]

In my life, I have seen a lot of bridges being burned. A relationship that seemed totally unsalvagable is completely tossed out the window. The thing about burnt bridges though... It's like you can burn away the wood but the foundation can still remain. It seems like, even though the bridge has been burnt, the relationship can still move forward through someone admitting their wrongs and apologizing.

Ive come to find that just wanting the best for someone, letting it go and not expecting anything is the best way to move forward, because that allows the other person the space to reflect without feeling pressured or without any hard feelings. My coworker apologizing to me (even though she kind of deflected the responsibility a little bit) was a very profound moment, I hope for her as well as myself. We wasted a lot of time avoiding each other but in that moment where she realized that leaving things the way they were wasn't right, that's true humanity. Love it.

What's a scenario where you weren't expecting an apology but it meant so much to you?

[Jessica]

Any time luv apologizes to me it surprises me, because he's bad at it in general.

I have more experience being on that side though. What I have learned is when I know I've fucked up, and have to apologise, I get this kind of nervous sick feeling, and for a long time I reacted to this by not apologising because it felt like that would intensify the sensation.. But then I started saying sorry and discovered that the feeling actually just dissolves as soon as I've said it.

[Matthew Mussolini]

Very recently actually, less than a week ago. A panhandler demanded his spot back after he claimed he went in a store to piss.

I didn't like the way he was yelling or asked so I said, "Fuck you!"

He reached in his coat pocket and said he would slit my throat.

I offered him my neck.

He walked over to the store to panhandle.

Later he walked up to me, shook my hand, introduced himself as Matt, and said he was sorry, with a smile, but pain in his eyes.

I smiled and said, "you're matt?". "Hey I'm matt too. I'm sorry as well".

His threatening to slit my throat didn't cause me pain. If he hit me it would not have phased me. His apology left me in pain for quite some time though.

Sometimes the best way to hurt someone is say " I'm sorry " if you do it the right way.

[Meliai]

Several years ago I tried living with a male friend. I won't get into all the details but I guess he had feelings for me and didn't like that I was having a guy over, or maybe there was some other stuff going on there too, not really sure his motivation but it ended up going south and he was pretty awful to me. It was a roommate from hell scenario. And in turn I said some mean things to him, then moved out and didn't speak to him for years.

Last year after years of no contact he reached out and apologized which I thought was cool of him. I really never expected to hear from him again. I'm incapable of holding grudges so I had already stopped caring and holding it against him pretty much as soon as I moved out lol.

I myself hate apologizing but I'll eat humble pie and do it if I know i'm in the wrong.

[dream catcher]

So satisfying

[Audiogen]

I don't understand the question

[Audiogen]

I'm being flippant... sort of. But drawing upon recent memory, I cannot recall a specific incident.

[neonspectraltoast]

No one has ever apologized to me.

[dream catcher]

I'm so sorry about that : (
Lol

[dream catcher]

I don't understand the question

Imagine you had a relationship, romantic or platonic. And you have a falling out and basically expect to never hear from that person again. Or maybe that person isn't the type to apologize even if they've done something wrong. And then they come out of the woodwork and apologize, not to get anything from you, but just because they felt like it was the right thing to do. Like it was weighing on their minds and they had to make it right. Something like that.

Unfortunately not everyone gets that apology I guess. I've been told it's pretty rare. But I truly believe in the best of people. And I think having that mentality encourages those situations to happen to you more frequently.

[dream catcher]

Any time luv apologizes to me it surprises me, because he's bad at it in general.

I have more experience being on that side though. What I have learned is when I know I've fucked up, and have to apologise, I get this kind of nervous sick feeling, and for a long time I reacted to this by not apologising because it felt like that would intensify the sensation.. But then I started saying sorry and discovered that the feeling actually just dissolves as soon as I've said it.

I'm so so proud of you and the journey you've been on. It's hard for me to apologize sometimes too, when I feel like I "didn't do anything wrong" and I hate those "I'm sorry you felt like I hurt your feelings/I'm sorry you have that perception" fake ass apologies. So if I mean it, I'll apologize. But if someone demands it from me... I guess that's the premise of this thread. I don't demand apologies because it's totally useless. If they wanted to apologize they would, a forceful apology isn't genuine.

[Deidre]

My dad. I had been angry with him up until a few years ago when he finally apologized for all the wrongs he had done during my childhood. You could say I was the quintessential chick who had “daddy issues,” and my serial dating up until dating my now husband, were due to the lack of love I experienced as a child. Of course, he would tell you a different story - that he was raised the same way etc but who cares? Even more the reason to stop the cycle of emotional abuse.

But one day he apologized and we are quite close, now. Just because someone apologizes doesn’t mean you’re ready to forgive. It still took time to really forgive him and let go of the past.

[Undies]

I don't recall any apologies off the top of my head. Just here to say I love finding old bridge foundations. Then a lot of times you can go back from there and find where the road used to be. It's very cool.

[dream catcher]

Omg men ?

"I don't have anything to contribute but I'll just say something because I'm a man and my voice deserves to be heard ?"

[Lynnbrown]

lol

[Tropical Breeze]

Well, i wasn't going to say anything.....but the above comment inspired me. Usually when someone apologizes, i take that as the perfect opportunity to make them feel worse about what they've done. Its the absolute perfect opportunity to belittle that person who done you wrong. Shame them, make them feel bad about themselves. Apologizing is for losers, wimps, people who have no guts. Revenge shows class, courage, and self-respect. ?

Ok seriously now, a woman at work did unexpectedly apologized after an argument the day before. She did it as soon as i came to work. It caught me off guard and i felt like it showed class. There may have been more of such incidents that i don't recall at the top of my head. Maybe it will come to me later.

[neonspectraltoast]

I remembered my dad felt really bad because when I was little he forgot to pick me up after a field trip, and he said sorry. I wasn't really that upset about it, though. I was more upset how he beat my mom, but he didn't care about that. I bet he's sorry now, though. When you die you get judged by how you treated people.

[Jessica]

I'm so so proud of you and the journey you've been on. It's hard for me to apologize sometimes too, when I feel like I "didn't do anything wrong" and I hate those "I'm sorry you felt like I hurt your feelings/I'm sorry you have that perception" fake ass apologies. So if I mean it, I'll apologize. But if someone demands it from me... I guess that's the premise of this thread. I don't demand apologies because it's totally useless. If they wanted to apologize they would, a forceful apology isn't genuine.

Thank you Fae

You're right, forced apologies are pointless. I guess that's a weird area if you're raising a kid actually, because you have to teach them to do it by telling them to.. But at some point it becomes their choice?

I guess that's why parents can be so weird sometimes, and demand things of their kids, like apologies or birthday cards. They haven't realised there's an age where the kid has to have autonomy over those things.