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Riddles and nursery rhymes

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    Riddles and nursery rhymes

    Got any favorite riddles you'd like to share, stoners?

    I'm sometimes a tyrant in charge of a one-party state, but can also be the cross between a penis and a potato.

    What am I?

    Answer: a Dictator
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    I'm the boat that got Napoleon to sneak out of exile from his island to reclaim France and fight his biggest single battle against Wellington.

    What am I?

    Answer: A Dictator ship Click image for larger version  Name:	fg2.jpg Views:	0 Size:	580.4 KB ID:	36689
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    I am a structure. People enter me ignorant or blind and are given eyes to see. What am I?

    Answer: a school

    This next riddle is best known for its apocryphal involvement with the death of the Greek Poet Homer, described by philosophers of the time as “the wisest of the Greeks.” Homer had traveled to the island of Ios, which an oracle had warned him would be the place of his death (the Greeks never listened to prophecies involving their own deaths). During his travels around the island, Homer came upon some fishermen. He asked them how their day was going and they responded with this riddle: “What we caught, we threw away; what we didn’t catch, we kept. What did we keep?” Unable to solve the riddle, Homer eventually died on the island, refusing to leave until he discovered the answer.

    Answer: Lice.

    I'm sometimes stuffed with cheese, am sometimes used to describe serious yeast infections, can be found on a grilled cheese sandwhich, good on pizza but bad on pussy. What am I?

    Answer: crust

    I'm a total homo and I make a living fingering minors , and the police don't arrest me. Parents pay me to teach their children to finger minors. I'm not a Catholic priest or a Muslim. What am I?

    Answer: I'm a homo Sapien who gives guitar lessons
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    I see you when you're sleeping, I'm an actual canonized Catholic priest, I like giving toys to children and am trying to find out who the naughty ones are. I sneak into homes like a thief in the night with a big swollen sack, because I only cum once a year. Who am I?

    Answer: Santa Clause

    I destroyed the reputation of a President famous for saying, "I did not inhale" because I hung out with him and we played his favorite game, but I'm not the person who slept with him. Who am I and what game did we play that was so scandalous?

    Answer: Monica Lewinsky playing poker with Bill.
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    Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
    ​​​​His wife died

    ​​​​​Why did Dr. Pepper come all over my face? I ran my mouth at some assholes talkin shit (true story).

    It is a battlefield where the white soldiers outnumber their black nemesis and they are trying to rescue their best special forces commando by getting a weak footman somewhere behind enemy lines. The black Duce and all of his horses and men are weaker and outnumbered , but the only girl on the battlefield is giving him the upper hand against the white soldiers who have no girls on their team, and that leaves them at a disadvantage.

    This is a real conflict that takes place a lot , and if you always win, you're probably a nerd.
    Anglicans have difficulty fighting this battle because they can't tell the Queen from the Bishop. What am I?

    Answer: A game of Chess

    You can find me in a nursing home. I taste like I smell and am not very delicious , but rich in essential vitamins. I don't talk back to people when they talk to me and drool. You should eat me as often as possible says any dietician and it isn't cannibalism. I come in many forms. You might place me in a wheelchair after eating me. What am I?

    Answer: a vegetable

    I just made this one up just now:

    I play the bagpipes and do lots of Meth with monkey and we get rich with fieldy, but Jesus Christ robbed us of head. We are still headless , but make lots of money in the entertainment industry and sing about getting raped while screaming profanity.

    I grew up in California in a place that ends with "field". Sometimes people put me in their mouth. Sometimes you can see me in shit. What am I?

    Answer: Korn (corn)

    After drinking too much alcohol with the rest of the circus sideshows, I knelt before the porcelain goddess and vomited after pissing and unleashing a steaming cascade of liquid feces from my chafed anus.

    I proceeded to talk to her and vent my frustration regarding all the dicks and pussies in my life that have nothing in common with me or each other, " but there is one thing they all have in common", replied the psychic gypsy, and told me to return to the porcelain goddess.

    That was the riddle the gypsy gave me to solve before she would read my palm and help me escape from the circus and freaks and ringmaster.

    . My answer was that we are " all insane clowns." She said true, and handed me a jokers card as a clue , stating the correct answer can be found before the porcelain goddess.

    Were I to ask the porcelain goddess what comes forth from all of them that she can see they have in common, how would she reply? What does she see?

    Her reply:


    (I see pee [porcelain goddess is a toilet. Har! har! har!)

    Anyone have a riddle they want to share?

    What about nursery rhymes? Anyone have a favorite?

    I like this best:

    Last edited by Matthew Mussolini; 10-05-2020, 06:04 AM.

    Riddles are more fun if you don't immediately give the answer. Post riddles now, and answers in a couple days if no one figures it out.